Friday, September 05, 2008

Day One--One Hour and Fifty Minutes

This morning is the first morning in many, many years that I didn't wake up, pull on all my clothes, and dash outside for a cigarette. I haven't smoked in the house for over ten years, once my kids started coming along, I was an outside smoker. What a pain in the ass that was.

This morning, my alarm was set to go off at 7:45. I woke up at 7:43 and my very first thought was: "I'm not going outside for a cigarette today." Then, "Shit, I quit smoking today."

Nearly two hours later, I'm thinking, "Wow, two hours and I'm not completely losing my mind." (I've thought that every half-hour or so--maybe I'm losing it just a little.)

I have the desire to go out and smoke. I had a cup of coffee in my hand, first thing in the morning, and that means sit on the porch, watch the neighborhood awake, and smoke. Then go inside, wait for fifteen minutes, and have another smoke to play catch-up for the six hours I was asleep. But I'm in control of it so far.

I'm thinking, "I really don't have to smoke."

And that, is weird.

We'll see how I do. I'm ignoring triggers as best I can. Even sitting here writing this makes me think I should pause to smoke. What a brain-game! I plan on writing today. Usually that means smoking a lot. I have to go have three cavities filled. Usually that means a "after all that horrible crap" smoke. I plan on ignoring all that today.

I think I want to smoke, but my body doesn't really need me to. So, as long as I can get over the initial desire, I do okay.

Oh, and you don't have to read these posts with not-smoking countdowns, they probably won't say much. I just need to say something about it. Especially today.

25 years is a lot of habit to change.

4 Comments:

Blogger K.C. Ball said...

Just might read them anyway. :D

And, hey, you can still go out on the porch, drink your coffee and watch the neighborhood wake up. Every morning, I walk to a bench set above the Fauntleroy ferry landing, and watch the water for awhile. It does wonders for the rest of the day.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Gay Degani said...

One of the ways to kick a habit is to substitute something else. Instead of sitting on the porch and watching the neighborhood wake up, perhaps you might consider what KC does by taking a short stroll around the neighborhood first thing, coffee mug in hand. Maybe it would help too to keep an eye out for something specific, something different each day, like birds, worms, which flowers are blooming and then go back to your computer and spend 10 minutes mind dumping what you saw on your walk. Blog it even. I'd read it.

But Kev yes blog the struggle too. It's putting it out there--that accountability--that will help. We're with you. Love ya.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Shameless said...

Thanks you two!

I actually did just go sit on the porch and "not smoke". But I really like the idea of walking, or finding a new spot to sit for a while. And keeping my eye out for changes. Great ideas.

Thank you for the support. It's easier with that.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous M.Sherlock said...

Oops i missed a few posts, time to catch up.


hang in there ginge

6:08 AM  

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