Shameless Stuff

Run For the Hills!

2009-08-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

I'm abandoning this blog. If you've been using it for cover, I suggest you run.

Shameless Creations is where the action is now. It's sorta where the action has been, or at least where it should have been all along. But it's definitely what's shakin'.

I've taken my old site and made it brand new. It's mostly going to be a blog, but I plan to actually write stuff there.

So please stop by my website and see what I've got goin' on.

Thanks for reading!

A Bedtime Story for Breezy

2009-06-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

My flash piece that I wrote so my friend Breezy could get some sleep is up at Every Day Fiction today.

So far a few people understand it.

I LOVE all the "readers" who don't get it and have to write in and comment that it's NOT a story. Because they can't understand the story, there IS no story. Ha ha! Maybe they should stick with cartoons in the morning and leave the literature alone.

If you'd like to read a story about something pretty, then stop on by and have a read of A Bedtime Story for Breezy.

If you leave a comment about it not being a story, I'll lump you in with the other "readers" out there and you will only get thoughts of clouds of rancid butter raining down upon you during sex--even if it's with yourself. But if you get it, like one woman has thus far at 8 AM, please let me know and I shall thank you for having a brain.

Have lovely days.

Thanks for reading!

Withersin 2.3

2009-03-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

Hi.
Wow, like most everything else, my blog has been neglected.

I've been busy lately. Been writing a book. LOVE that. (It's odd, and fun, and FUN.)
Been makin' a new superfriend. LOVE that. (Hi, Breezy!)
Been putting my back back together. Not so much love there.
Been listening to Daft Punk a lot. LOVE them.

And today I received my copies (one subscription copy and one contributer copy) of the latest issue of Withersin.

My true account, Time in the Desert, kicks off the issue. I am so stoked about that! I love Withersin. It's truly a great magazine. I'm happy to have another story out in it. I always like seeing what I'm in there with. So far, and I've only flipped through, I'm very happy about the company my story shares. Cool stuff. As always.

My story is about a missing time episode my friend and I experienced in the desert of Idaho in the early 90's.

If you've got the inclination, and the desire for a completely different, amazing magazine of the odd, scary, brilliant and wicked, please check it out.

Thanks for reading!

Cyril Mack

2009-02-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Love him or hate him, he's my dude.

Yesterday my story, Cyril Mack and the Very Cold Cup of Tea, was published at Every Day Fiction.

People loved it, or hated it. Reading the comments was quite a ride.

I was happy that so many people loved it, and laughed about it, and got that it was supposed to be ridiculous. I loved that lots of people understood that it had something to say, even though it was so silly. I was happy that people were having fun.

There were some total party-poopers, however, and they got under my skin for the day by leaving scathing comments designed to get under my skin. I even wrote a blog entry about how much they suck.

But today I'm not worried about them and their dreadful dispirited days. I won't even pity them for their dreariness. I deleted the blog post. :)

The truth is, a lot of people liked my crazy story. Some people even understood it. And I didn't even think EDF would buy it.

If you haven't read it, please do. If you hate it, I can't blame you for it, my wife doesn't like it one bit. But if you're going to be nasty about it, don't expect my respect, or even my notice. I had fun writing it, and I sold it. And lots of people have read it, and some of them even liked it. All is well in my weird universe.

Thanks for reading!

Have rad days.

Distractions

2009-02-04T14:12:00.000-08:00

Right now it's mostly that my back itches. Before that I needed a cup of coffee. And then I thought I'd blog about being distracted. Zane is seeking out my backscratcher for me. He's been gone a while. I thought he knew where it was... This is very distracting. Ah, here he comes.

Ha! He came down the hall with it and said, "Your turn."

Oh. Now I have to make the girls talk. I'll be right back.

(time passed)

I started out this post about being distracted from writing a story I'm writing AND how writing the story today is sort of a distraction from the work I should be doing outside.

It's not working out for me today.

And now various distractions have taken this blog post hostage. There have been a series of distractions beginning with making the girls talk. After the original back-itch ordeal.

I took photos.

This is the pile of concrete that needs to be moved so that I can then build a garden in its place.

Here we are making the girls talk. I've got Jasmine. She's talking to Ariel about why Ariel doesn't have clothes.

Suddenly, in mid-conversation, Johnny Test provides an extreme magnetic distraction.

How rude.

Then we had to go downstairs and get a banana.

So back to what I was saying about trying to write that story toda

February Flash

2009-02-02T15:03:00.001-08:00

Every Day Fiction's Table of Contents for the month is out.

There are stories from my favorites on there again.

One from me, too. One that I'm a little surprised EDF bought. But Jordan wrote on the acceptance note, "We like weird!" So yeah. It's weird. I like it. We'll see what the rest of you think of Cyril Mack and the Very Cold Cup of Tea.

My friend Mariette is in it. I think she'll like it.

February’s Table of Contents

Feb 1 Anitha Murthy Food on the Table
Feb 2 Jonathan Pinnock Mirror, Mirror
Feb 3 saintsally At Cost
Feb 4 Amanda Clifford Bless You
Feb 5 Rumjhum Biswas Hey Crow!
Feb 6 Bill Ward Davy’s Toy Box
Feb 7 Bill Gaythwaite Enough for Everyone
Feb 8 Jacqueline Vick The Membership Drive
Feb 9 Stephen D. Rogers Love Unleashed
Feb 10 C.L. Holland A Chime of Reds
Feb 11 Oonah V Joslin Broadens the Mind
Feb 12 Clint Wastling The Loves of Ariel
Feb 13 Ross Kimble Serve Her
Feb 14 April Grey Objects of Desire
Feb 15 Erin M. Kinch Honor Bound
Feb 16 Erika Day Stunning
Feb 17 K.C. Ball Sydney, Down Under
Feb 18 S.J. Higbee Picky Eaters
Feb 19 Angel Zapata Cheese
Feb 20 Wayne Scheer Rude Awakening
Feb 21 Michael Mallory The Novelist
Feb 22 Greta Igl The Getaway
Feb 23 J. B. Hogan Waiting for the Light
Feb 24 Kevin Jewell Autoclave
Feb 25 Kevin Shamel Cyril Mack and the Very Cold Cup of Tea
Feb 26 Christopher P. Garlington Gone
Feb 27 Gay Degani The London Eye
Feb 28 David E. Oprava Martyr

My friend Gay's story comes out on my son's birthday! That's cool.

Thanks for reading.

Vancouver Adventure!

2009-01-28T09:26:00.000-08:00

I've had some adventures.

There are several of you who read my blog that have shared adventures with me: Those of you who are still alive, and still have your eyes, or can still make sense of letters put together in some semblance of order.

There are some of you who probably don't believe all the adventures I've had. (I'm having.) Which is the way it should be. I'm a FICTION writer--I'd feel bad if everyone believed every story I tell.

But here's an adventure with living witnesses, people that I still know where they are, and THAT they are:

Vancouver--last weekend.

Now, I remember spending an entire summer rafting every day. I almost drowned three times, was bit by a black lab, nearly fell off the cliff I had to scale--at least twice, and then had to jump off the same cliff back into the river to make it to the raft that was departing from where my friends had last seen me take the plunge, struggle to swim against the Snake River's current, and drift around a corner, headed toward a set of rapids called Rattlesnake with only my lifejacket to hold my head above water. (that was one trip down-river.)

Adventurous. Fairly typical, though, for my life in my twenties.

I drove a 1969 Mustang. I traveled a lot. I was always stuck somewhere. (and that was before cell phones.)

I wouldn't think that an overnight trip four hours away, in someone else's car, for a thrilling business trip would be any sort of comparable adventure.

Thing is, I wouldn't THINK a lot of things.

I wouldn't think that I'd feel like such a superstar after that long, long overnight trip was over, either. But I certainly do.

So there's this magazine that has graciously bought quite a bit of my writing. You may have read me write about about them.... :) Every Day Fiction launched their anthology, The Best of Every Day Fiction 2008, this past Saturday. I have four stories in it, and I was very excited to attend their launch party.

My then online aquaintance, fellow writer appearing in the anthology, and now friend, K.C. Ball, lives in Seattle. I met her there, and she drove us to Vancouver.

First she drove us to Blaine, Washington. It's the border town. There her SUV began making the familiar screeching sound of a burning belt. When we limped to the Blaine Mini Mart, we found the belt and what looked like the alternator, smoking and screaming at us.

So we went inside to see just how screwed we were.

The lady behind the counter was very helpful, but was also pretty sure that since it was Saturday, we were fairly screwed. Her mother, however, a nice little old lady standing in the aisle said she thought not.

She took us to the local mechanic who happened to be at his new shop just because he was moving into it. Now, K.C. will tell you that this little old lady--who's 83--is named Maureen. I wrote down Marlene. I hope I'm the right one, because that's what I wrote in the copy of the anthology that K.C. and I signed and gave to her. Marlene/Maureen was kind enough to take us the 30 miles south to Bellingham to rent a car, too, after Rich the mechanic assured us that he'd take care of us and call when the car was ready. Rich is a good dude--he did just what he said he would. And he wants to sell my t-shirts in his store.

So Marlene/Maureen took us to pick up her son, (John?) who is recovering from recently being buried alive in a construction accident. He broke every rib on one side of his body, along with three parts of his spine and his femur pushing his face out of the dirt. But he's alive. He's a card-carrying pot smoker who'd worked in the same little dinky towns in Colorado that I did. Anyone else here ever heard of Parachute or Rifle? Not many of you, I'm sure.

We rented a little white car, and were back on our way at just the time we'd expected to arrive in Vancouver.

So we called our fellow writer and friend, Gay Degani, who was planning to eat lunch with us, and told her we'd be there about an hour later than we thought.

Then we hit the border.

Now, you know I cut my hair, right? I'm clean cut. All-American, even, as long as I keep my mouth closed.

I used to get pulled aside at the airport--"Excuse me sir, could you step out of line, please?" But not lately. Not with my hairstyle and all.

Apparently I'm still very suspicious to the Canadian border guards. We were told by a very serious woman to pull over our car and go inside the guard station. Where we were asked VERY personal questions by another serious guard. Then we sat with suspected terrorists and drug smugglers--seriously, one got arrested right beside us--for nearly an hour. They searched our car. Finally they gave us our passports, stamped a piece of paper and said, "Thanks, you two, welcome to Canada, have a nice day."

So we called Gay and let her know we were skipping lunch, and that we'd probably make it to the hotel just in time for the event, which began at 4PM. And how right we were. We made it to the hotel at 3:40. We'd expected to arrive at 12:30, I'd even set up an early check-in.

It turned out that my room was next to Gay and her husband Tim's. I gathered her, K.C. met us, and we whisked off to the bookstore. We were ten minutes late.

I didn't eat all day. I had one rootbeer.

The event was excellent. And they fed me coffee.

I'd fallen in love with Every Day Fiction a long time ago anyway. But meeting the staff in person made them so much more my favorites. Jordan, Camille, and Steven made my first book signing and reading a thrilling, fun, comfortable event.

They are amazing.

I'm seriously enamored. And so happy for the way they treated us while we were there, and for all they did to make the event so excellent.

Jordan is gracious and humble, though he's an amazing writer who just placed VERY HIGH in the Writers of the Future Contest--he won it!--which is a really big deal. Camille planned everything, as it seems she does, with grace. It was lovely. Steven is an excellent dude. He runs the website most excellently, was friendly, cool, and a total stud.

It was a fabulous time.

Launch party, dinner, drinks. FANS! (I signed books!!) What more could a writer ask for?

It was nothing less than an excellent adventure.

And the way home was mellow. Except the blizzard.....

I didn't take nearly enough photos--it was seriously crazy. But here's what I did manage:

Gay and K.C. outside the bookstore when we arrived.

This is a shot of seriously important heads.

Every Day Fiction! Jordan, Camille and Steven. I LOVE these people.

This is Andy LeBlanc on the left. He is one of the funniest people I've met. (and you all know how funny YOU are!) Peter Tupper is on the right.

A view from my room. I had a pretty good set of views.

Here's me.

So.

Adventure. Thank you Every Day Fiction!!

Thanks for reading!

2009-01-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

Whew! I thought these were lost.

Under The Bridge: Literal Video Version

Mean Spam

2009-01-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Usually, if anything, I'm mildy amused at the subject lines of mail in my junk box.

You know, it's usually about male-enhancement. Names like Rod Manworth or Jenna Star trying to assure me that it's going to be okay. They've got a product to make my penis bigger, harder, and smarter.

Or Tom Bosly (Bosley, Boslie) talking about hair replacement.

Funny stuff. Mildy funny.

But what about MEAN spam? How often do you see that?

I have to say....

Not that often. Not ever before, actually.

I deleted it before it really hit home what it said, so I can't tell you the name of the author of the spam. I wish I knew. But I wrote down the subject line of an email I received not long ago.

Ready?

Make Money Humiliating Other People's Pets!

What?!

I really, REALLY wish I'd have opened that one.

So there you go: The first piece of mean spam I've received. At least that I've paid attention to.

And please.... even for money....

Don't humiliate other people's pets. Keep it in the family.

Missionaries and How I Love Them

2009-01-09T09:46:00.000-08:00

No, it's not an invitation to ring my bell.

It's an invitation to read my story.

My flash fiction bit about missionaries and their motivations, Mission Accomplished, has been published today at Every Day Fiction.

I'm happy that it's being well-received so far this morning.

Please drop by and check it out if you've got a few minutes. You can tell me what you think about it right there under the story.

Thanks for reading and have a rad day filled with toothy grins and neck-rubs.

A Little Slow on the Uptake

2009-01-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

I believe there was a time that I was whip-crack smart. I could snap out comebacks, zingers, stingers, epic moments and fuck-you's with the best of 'em. I could pick out the fly on the wall and coax it into the mosh pit with a spark from my eye. I could count the stars. Now I'm a casualty of attention. I think I payed too much at one time, and now I'm low on fundage. Sometimes it takes a while for me to get it.

It turns out I write what's called Bizarro Fiction. Yup. I had no idea.

I've been doing it for a loong time.

I write this this stuff that my wife won't read. Well, I write a lot of that--science fiction, horror... But she especially doesn't like my bizarro comedy. She's always called it "that stuff". I think bizarro is a much cooler word.

Mostly I'm glad to know that there's a name for the stuff. Mostly I'm glad I finally found out someone named it. And that other people write it. I feel so less dirty.

I found this place yesterday: Bizarro Central It is deliciously insane. I hope to place some writing there. I'll try until I do, I think. In the meantime I'll read the writing there. What I read last night was excellent, and my type of soup.

Speaking of soup:

I'm headed to Vancouver on the 24th of this month for The Best of Every Day Fiction 2008 Anthology Launch Party! Wooo hooooo! I'm totally stoked. Reading and signing--the editors of the mag, the web dude.... I might swoon. I probably will swoon later, because I absolutely plan on inviting everyone to the hotel lounge after the bookstore. Bwah ahahahahaha!!

I'm very happy to be included in the book. I'm very happy to be making my way to the launch party. Here's the details, in case you're planning on going and don't yet know where to go--

Saturday, January 24, 2009
4:00pm - 7:00pm
Location: Spartacus Books
684 East Hastings StreetVancouver, BC

It's good soup--100 flash stories from lots of great writers. I love it. I'm still waiting for my hard cover to arrive.... hm.... But I've got a soft cover rapidly developing dog ears.

(click this to buy it!)

So what have we learned? I went bizarro and just noticed. I'm going to Canada. I hope they let me back in.

:)

Picto-explanogram

2009-01-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

Like a number of people I know, the past month saw me retreat from life online. I've decided that rather than bore you all to death with my reasons why, I'd present them to you visually with as little written distractions as possible.

So here's my last month or so, and a few of the reasons why my attention was directed away from time online.

It started snowing. It doesn't do that much here, so we thought, "Cool! Snowmen and slushies!"

But then it kept snowing. Check out the top of our gazebo-thingy after two or three days of snowstorm. At least we built a fort in its ruins.

We spent some time inside, drawing...

And makin' ornaments... Stuff like that.

We played games. Guess what Zane is.

It finally stopped snowing.

So we got down to New Years Eve partying.

And now we're all caught up.

I'll post some more words next.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Here's EDF's ToC for January:

January’s Table of Contents

Jan 1 Sarah Hilary The View from Olympus
Jan 2 Tels Merrick All I Want For Christmas
Jan 3 Anne Marie Gomez Newspaper Please
Jan 4 Michael Fontana Thirty Days
Jan 5 Jadon Rempel Ostriches
Jan 6 Oonah V Joslin Open and Closed
Jan 7 Aaron Polson The Sub-Basement
Jan 8 Lori Ann Bloomfield What the Painter Saw
Jan 9 Kevin Shamel Mission Accomplished
Jan 10 NO STORY SCHEDULED SERVER MOVING DAY
Jan 11 Rupert Merkin End Of? An Interview with Harold Salt
Jan 12 Frank Roger Irretrievably Lost
Jan 13 Guy Anthony De Marco Steaks
Jan 14 Ragna Brent Thirteenth Guest
Jan 15 Erin M. Kinch The Care and Feeding of Your Sleeping Knight
Jan 16 Kaolin Fire Altered
Jan 17 Jann Everard Intermission
Jan 18 Andrew Boden Dry Fire
Jan 19 Mel George Dear Esteemed Friend
Jan 20 Stu Andrews A Magic Sword
Jan 21 Gustavo Bondoni The Candidate
Jan 22 K.C. Ball Upon the Doorsteps
Jan 23 crystalwizard Bar Fight
Jan 24 Stephen D. Rogers And Baby Makes Two
Jan 25 Rob Haines Shadows in Flight
Jan 26 Carol Ayer Parfait Surprise
Jan 27 Fred Warren For Fashion’s Sake
Jan 28 saintsally Paternalisms
Jan 29 Barbara A. Barnett Monkey Love
Jan 30 James Lecky The Song the Soldiers Sang: A Fable
Jan 31 Krystyna Smallman Monster

My Friends

2008-12-10T13:47:00.000-08:00

I try and keep the most brilliant friends I can. :)

This is my friend Chris's newest work. I can't wait to see it. Tell your friends!

Terri Made Me Laugh

2008-12-05T10:30:00.001-08:00

More Video:

This is a literal interpretation of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' video for Under the Bridge.

Check out Dusto McNeato's page for more literal viddies.

Terri just sent me another...

Okay, I have to add this. Just for "pipe wrench fight". I think there's some t-shirt purchasing going to happen...

Anthological

2008-12-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

Every Day Fiction made it just in time for the holidays!

Their anthology is available:

The Best of Every Day Fiction 2008. It's 100 flash fiction stories. (Four of them are mine.)

There are hardcover and paperback editions.

I think they look cool. And I know the stories inside are good. I've read them.

I highly recommend this compilation of diverse stories. Click the pic, read what the editors have to say about their book and about flash fiction. It would seriously make a great gift. I'm getting one for myself.

And I'll be somewhere in Vancouver next month signing copies! I don't have the details yet, but I'll post them when I know.

Yay, EDF!

It's the Anarchist in Me

2008-12-05T09:11:00.001-08:00

Every now and then I try and wake up. When I start to, I want to rouse everyone sleeping beside me. I think it's so someone will make coffee before I get out of bed.

So this is for coffee:

Uninvention

2008-12-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

It's probably not a word. At least, not in the traditional sense. But in my world any word's possible.

My story, Uninventing the Internet, hit the internet today. Hmmm....

It's one of those fantastical comedies with a drop (maybe a dram) of tweaked history. Maybe. Who's to say, really? It's so easy to make up the truth.

Anyway, it's about a couple of genius pals who change the world. And then change it back.

If you've got a few minutes, please check it out.

This story marks one year of my writing appearing at EDF every month. That is a tremendously big deal for me. Twelve stories in a row. (And be on the lookout for number 13!)

This just in:

I will be attending Every Day Fiction's release party (book signing? what are they calling that?) for their soon to be released anthology, The Best of Every Day Fiction 2008. They're holding it on the 24th of January in Vancouver, BC. If you're up here in the North, it's most likely going to be a tremendously awesome event that you will not want to miss. Hopefully I'll see you there.

At any rate, it'll be great for me to meet Jordan, Camille, and Steven, the peeps behind the scenes of the zine. AND a bunch of writers that I love and admire!

Details to follow.

So please give my story a read, and as always, I'd appreciate knowing what you think of it.

Have rad days and thanks for reading!!

It's Nearly December!

2008-11-30T16:22:00.000-08:00

I love December.

My birthday is coming up soon. And lots of my friends have birthdays in December. Both of my sisters, too. Happy Birthday, everyone! (M's is the 1st!)

December is considered the end of the year. It is the end of the year. But each year really begins in December with the solstice. And each year begins anew for me and those of us born in this month. This December is filled with newness for me.

Here's Every Day Fiction's new Table of Contents:

December’s Table of Contents

Dec 1 Jenny Schwartz Ravishing Readers
Dec 2 Kevin Shamel Uninventing the Internet
Dec 3 Steve Goble Waiting to Pounce
Dec 4 Tels Merrick Nov 5th
Dec 5 Robert Goffeney The Wizard’s Walk
Dec 6 M.Sherlock Death is a Weird Shade of Pink
Dec 7 Rachel McClain A Couch in a Clearing
Dec 8 Al Carty A Family Matter
Dec 9 Simon Smithson Waiting
Dec 10 Fred Warren Little Piece of Cloth
Dec 11 Kelly Swimmer Birds
Dec 12 Celeste Goschen Mr Gorzynski Takes the Plunge
Dec 13 Brian Dolton The Gallery of Illusions
Dec 14 A P Chapman Message in a Bottle
Dec 15 Dave Macpherson The Adjunct Professor of Cabbage
Dec 16 Mark Parenti The Doll
Dec 17 K.M. Rockwood Aftermath
Dec 18 Mark Rosenblum Do Your Dreams Have Robots?
Dec 19 Tapes Mr Merton
Dec 20 Bill Snodgrass Late Bloomer
Dec 21 Brian George Must Be Old Death A-Walking
Dec 22 Jason Stout Writer’s Block
Dec 23 Rosie Claverton Cultural Roots
Dec 24 Frank Zubek A Christmas Toast
Dec 25 Sarah Hilary Kanti Chooses Santa
Dec 26 Erin M. Kinch Fortune Cookies
Dec 27 Jon Peck Choose Your Booze
Dec 28 C.L. Holland The Marsh Lights
Dec 29 Liz Wright After the Tone
Dec 30 Dave Bara Something About Harry
Dec 31 Oonah V Joslin Picture of Innocence

My new story out on the second, Uninventing the Internet, marks a new milestone for me.

It is the 12th story in a row published by Every Day Fiction. That's one story a month for an entire year. THAT is something new. And it makes me happy.

In related news, though it's not quite December, I've had a story accepted this week at a new venue (both for me, and in general). My story, Late in July it Meanders Through the City, will appear sometime in the summer during the first run of 52 Stitches. It's horror flash fiction, one story a week for one year.

And finally.

Finally there's something new about Christmas around here.

We are shucking the grip of commercialism. We are shaking ourselves from the grasp of unfettered gift-giving, stressful shopping, and the all-around wrongness of the Holiday Season. I've always been bothered by Christmas. At least what it's become.

So this year, we're doing for others. We're concentrating on being grateful for what we have, and for helping others or helping the Earth. We're going to celebrate our new idea of The Twelve Days of Christmas, where we spend those days being more appreciative of each other. We will remember the true spirit of Christmas during those days--giving, loving, remembering, preparing for a new year, reflecting on the one just passed, coming together as a family.

We'll still give each other gifts. At least we'll give the kids things. One thing each from--something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read.

Here's what Terri and I want: Save Some Salmon!!

And Caspian: Horses And People Need Love!

Zane is more into the gifts still.

We gave the kids the choice, get stuff from people outside the family, or have them help you donate to a charity of your choice. Understandably, the three year old chose stuff. And quite gallantly and excellently, Caspian chose to find a charity. (Made us proud.)

We feel good about changing our view of Christmas. I'll even try not to lecture everyone on how it's so screwed up.

Newness abounds at the end of this year.

Yay for December.

Happy Birthdays!!!

Quick, What's Your Favorite Garden Tool?

2008-11-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

Check out this video: What is a Ho?

Withersin, Wood, and the Aussie

2008-11-19T08:58:00.000-08:00

I have been neglecting my keyboard. I traded it in for just plain boards.

The past week has seen the upstairs floors of my home torn to bits and reconstructed. It has seen me be a large part of that process.

Two rooms upstairs used to bounce. Like stiff trampolines. I'm sure it wasn't good for the house.

I'm not that handy with carpentry.

My lovely wife's attitude about home improvements is--hire someone.

I've been working on figuring out what I need to fix the floors for about four months. Finally, last month I got smart and asked a friend of mine who's always talking about the rad carpentry stuff he's up to if he could tell me what was wrong with my upstairs if I described it to him and sent pictures.

Then I asked him if he'd come fix my floors.

And he said yes!

So I met the Aussie for the first time in real life. We've known each other online for a few years, and it was cool to stand in the same room and hassle people together in real life. He's just like I thought he'd be. (only even better at laying floors!)

Brian came from South Dakota to show this Yank how to tear up hundred and twenty-year-old wood planks and replace them with gorgeous, strong new ones. He taught me how to use the new tools I had to buy (LOVE the mitre saw!!) and gave me an excuse to get a shop vac, and helped me get perspective on my ten-year-old, and cracked my ass up all week long.

And check out the floors:

Brian rocks. Even if he burns the ears of comic book store proprietors with sinful words like shit-hole.

Replacing floors rocks, but it takes time and effort. It takes time away from writing, my latest art project, reading, and being socially responsible. And from blogging.

All in all, the time spent is MORE than worth it. Much more. We have solid floors in most of the upstairs now. Terri and I are one step closer to having a bedroom. It's only been two years since we moved in.

So if I haven't written back, or read your story, or your blog posts, or just vanished suddenly from your radar, that is why.

Hopefully, I'll be back around cyberville a little more, I'll have time to write, and paint, and talk to all my pals. But I still have a lot to do with the floors. Brian could only stay so long and Terri and Zane had to come back from Milwaukee sometime.

When Zane isn't sick (yup) he'll be my helper as I pound all the nails below the suface of the boards. Caspian was our helper for the week we put in the floors. He was a tremendous help. It was awesome. Yay, Caspian!

While settling back in to my life not doing carpentry, I received the latest issue of one of my favorite magazines of all time, Withersin. It came a little early, it's not really out until the 21st, but I think that's because my story, Red and Black, is in it.

(clicking this will take you to their site)

I'm pretty excited about my story coming out in Withersin. I've subscribed to the mag for over a year--in fact, I'd best renew my subscription soon. It never fails to entertain me. From fine-tuned fiction, to unedited true stories, weird recipes like dried shark and sinister meat pie, interviews with dark delights like Chainsaw Sally, Morrigan Hel, and rock and roll scream kings, Withersin is chock-full of strange things. I love it. I'm happy to be included.

Red and Black is based tightly on the end of an intense relationship between a lovely, ruined woman and me. I'm calling it frenetic, after reading it again.

If you read it, please let me know what you think.

That's the news and I'm stickin' to it.

Thanks for reading!

Goofy Duo Takes Space By Storm

2008-11-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Or something like that.

My story, Krupper and Jons, is out at Every Day Fiction. Please stop by and give it a read. It's a science fiction bit with a bumbling Starsky and Hutch sort of feel.

This is my eleventh story in a row at EDF. Can you believe that? I owe my newfound love of flash fiction to them.

While we're on that subject, be sure and look for the Every Day Fiction 100 Best Stories Anthology. I'm not sure of its release date, I know they're hoping for before Christmas. But if you're interested in quality flash fiction--it'll gonna be one big book of it.

I'm happy to share a spot inside its covers. There are many, many brilliant writers in there.

So that's that.

It's been a happy Friday so far. Even at the end of long, weird week.

Thanks for reading!!

Not A Zombie

2008-11-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

So we had this plan for Halloween: The three dudes would be zombies and Terri would be an innocent Betty hanging out with them. But then Zane decided a few hours before we were going to go terrorize the town that he didn't want to be a zombie. Three costume changes later, and he was his all-time favorite---Robin! He's had a Robin costume for at least a year now. It's like his second skin. He was a great Robin.

My sister (a zombie) brought along two of her kids, a vampire and the Grim Reaper. The neighbors showed up with another vampire, a witch, and spiderman.

The weather was perfect for Halloween. Not so great for photos of anything but fog. Here's some we managed:

Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

So, I really like Halloween. I'm not much for the majority of holidays, but this is one I really like. My family will be zombies, soon. I'll start doing makeup after school. Wooo Hooo!

But we all know it's Halloween.

Did you know Every Day Fiction put out their table of contents for November? It's true.

Here it is:

November’s Table of Contents

Nov 1 Jim Bernheimer Rob’s Last Day
Nov 2 Milton T. Burton Grassy Knoll
Nov 3 Lucian J. Janik The Volunteer
Nov 4 E.E. King Synesthesia
Nov 5 Stephanie Scarborough Why Pews Don’t Come With Pistols
Nov 6 Jenny Schwartz Moving In, Moving On
Nov 7 Kevin Shamel Krupper and Jons
Nov 8 Mark Dalligan Rainbows
Nov 9 Tom Williams Strange Connections
Nov 10 Kimberly Medlin The Real Estate
Nov 11 T. A. Markitan Dragon Slayer
Nov 12 Kurt Kirchmeier In Summer’s Shadow
Nov 13 Roger Poppen Menage a Trois
Nov 14 Oonah V Joslin Sleight of Hand
Nov 15 Heather Parker Promotion
Nov 16 Lane Haygood I Have Read Your Fate in the Wind
Nov 17 Sarah Black Barbie at the Table
Nov 18 Sarah Hilary Me and the Mouser
Nov 19 Nick Logan Bad Blood
Nov 20 Jens Rushing Ars Draconis
Nov 21 K.C. Ball Oh, Woman of Easy Virtue
Nov 22 Sarah Silvers Don’t Look Down
Nov 23 Sara Crowley The Collector of Shiny
Nov 24 Frank Roger The Talisman
Nov 25 Sylvia Spruck Wrigley Coffee or Tea
Nov 26 Brian Dolton Getting to Know You
Nov 27 Jason Stout And the Well Runs Deep
Nov 28 Suanne Warr A Star’s Seduction
Nov 29 Justin Crockett No Time Like the Present
Nov 30 Robert Hamill Lockout

Again, there's a list of writers I wait for appearing this month. And some names I haven't seen at EDF. That's always good.

My story out on the seventh, Krupper and Jons, marks my eleventh month in a row of appearing at Every Day Fiction. Is that a record or something?

Please drop by and check it out. It's science-fictiony and stuff.

Have a great day.

Thanks for reading!

Face Time

2008-10-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Erin M. Kinch has a new story out at Every Day Fiction today called, A Million Faces. It's excellent.

If you've got a few minutes, please go check it out. I liked it a lot. I hope more comes from it. Like a graphic novel or somethin'...

I Am Running Around The Playground

2008-10-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Superheroine Erin tagged me. Sorta secretly, too. She's apparently blogging while adventuring, and so could not follow some of the rules of the tag, yet.

I'm home after taking Zane to preschool, and about to launch into work on the novel, so I thought I'd warm up by answering these questions with really good words.

Here's the rules of the tag. I think I've messed them up. But I think they were messed up before:

Display the award.
Link back to the person who gave you this award.
Nominate at least 7 other blogs. (a big YIKES for me)
Put links to those blogs on your blog.
Leave a message on the blogs of the people you've nominated.
(I think, copy, answer and post your answers should be here somewhere...)

So, here's the award:

(Erin loves my blog)
Here's the meaty bit:

You can only answer in one word:
1. Where is your cell phone? Unpurchased
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Red
4. Your mother? Yikes
5. Your father? Hm.
6. Your favorite thing? Imagination
7. Your dream last night? Realistic
8. Your dream/goal? Wisdom
9. The room you're in? Office
10. Your hobby? None
11. Your fear? None
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? Stupid
15. One of your wish-list items? Greenhouse
16. Where you grew up? Idaho
17. The last thing you did? Typed
18. What are you wearing? Hoody
19. Your TV? Off
20. Your pet? Luke
21. Your computer? Nice
22. Your mood? Mellow
23. Missing someone? Zane
24. Your car? Meh
25. Something you're not wearing? Ring
26. Favorite store? None
27. Your summer? Excellent
28. Love someone? Absolutely
29. Your favorite color? Ha!
30. When is the last time you laughed? Above
31. Last time you cried? Months
Well, that was fun. And now I'm ready to write some craaaazy things.

And do some laundry.

Dangit.

Thanks for the meme, Erin.

Now I must figure out seven bloggers to tag, not include Erin, and she tagged Alex...
Terri
Gay
M.
Sarah Hilary
Queen of Coins
Bryan
-C-
If you don't want to play, it's no sweat, no worries, and no skin off my nose. (where the heck did that last expression come from?) I understand and hold not a thing against any of you. Unless that thing is me, and we're hugging.

(imagine that I'm laughing us out crazily...)

Class

2008-10-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly twenty years since I graduated from high school.

No jokes, M, I'm still reeling from the English to American dictionary discussion.

It's a long time to be out of high school. It makes me look at what I've been doing for twenty years.

A few days ago I ran across a website that was looking for me. It was a high school reunion website. It had a whole list of people's names that I went to school with.

It made me wonder what everyone else has been doing for twenty years. Especially the names that I'd forgotten. Oh yeah, Mr. Short Term Memory Loss actually had a hard time remembering Long Term, too. Someone should do a study about that...

These are people with whom I spent nearly every day for a long number of years. I didn't remember some of them at all.

Some names brought back faces to mind immediately, even if I hadn't thought of the person since we went our separate ways. Other names I still don't recognize. It's pretty weird.

Now, I know some of you are from much bigger high schools than the one I went to, and you're thinking it's no big deal not to know people you went to school with. But I lived in a small town in Idaho. I don't think I even need to look up the number of my graduating class, you're with me now, right?

Anyway, I signed up at the site's database of dispersed individuals. I mainly filled out my personal information and developed a profile so that I could read about my classmates and what they'd been doing for twenty years. And see their pictures! I didn't really even think about talking to anyone.

But once I started remembering people, and times, and how much fun we had together, I messaged a few folks. Two old friends replied, and one of my oldest and dearest friends wrote to me through my website. I hadn't heard from her in at least fifteen years.

I'm not going to the reunion. Mostly because I'm not ever going back to the tiny town in Idaho where it will be held.

I thought another reason was because I still keep in touch with all the people from school that I want to. But that's absolutely not true. I hope more people write to me and I hope I get to see some of those old friends again, even though it won't be at the class gathering.

Jody, did you get your reply? (That's the thing about being called shameless, junk mail filters think I'm nasty.)

Twenty years suddenly seems like a blink of my eyes.

Chunks of Art

2008-10-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm still not sure where they'll end up when they're done, but I've got five Lightning Folk mostly painted now.

It's funny, I forget until I'm painting how much I love it. Everything else falls away.

Isn't it Romantic?

2008-10-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

I think it is.

My story, Outlast the Stars, is live today at Every Day Fiction.

It's a bit of a departure from my normal writing. (Normal being a relative term.) It's a love story without a single zombie, time-traveler, or weird alien bug.

People seem to like it so far this morning.

Please drop by and give it a read and rating, and leave a comment if you wish.

Thanks for reading!

What I Do When I'm Not Writing (Or Dadding or Whatnot)

2008-10-06T19:32:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd show you what I do when I sit upstairs at the computer and no writing comes of it. Here's a chunk of a painting I'm working on.

I'm drawing in ink and painting with photoshop.

It's been fun so far, and I've only got one portrait (mostly) painted. I spent a couple of weeks drawing at thedining room table when I had a chance. I've got lots to paint. It should keep me busy this winter.

I love arting.

Six and Six

2008-10-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, they make twelve. Good job, everybody!!

But really, it's the sixth of October, AND our sixth wedding anniversary.

That's right. For six years Terri has been my wife.

That's pretty amazing. (it's partly because she's pretty AND amazing.)

I'm happy to have made it this far with her.

I just wanted to say that.

Happy Anniversary, Terri. I hope there's sixty-six more years of us together.

Fan Boy

2008-10-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

I admit it. If I don't admit it, my wife will admit it for me. Loudly. In front of people.

I'm a geek.

Not a fabulous geek who can build computers or nanobots, either.

I'm a science fiction geek.

Not a costume wearing, Klingon speaking, science fiction geek, but I could probably hang with geeks like that and not be found out to be different for a week or so.

But you know that. You've read my stuff and wondered what the hell I think about, what my influences are, what I watch on TV. Or you just know.

I watch, Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. I do.

At first I wondered if it was going to suck. I think I do that with every TV series that I see from the beginning. But actually, the ones I watch from their beginnings usually turn out to be the ones I stick with. Anyway, The Sarah Conner Chronicles does not suck.

I love the whole Terminator series of movies.

When the first movie came out, I was fourteen or fifteen years old. It scared the shit out of me. Even at that time in history, it was not a far-fetched idea, artificial intelligence created by humans declaring war on humanity. There were scientists even then talking about how once we invented artificial intelligence, we were doomed to extinction. The public was aware of microchip technology by that time. We could extrapolate.

Put a bunch of robots and nuclear weapons together in the 80's, and you've got a recipe for scaring people. And entertaining them.

But do it 24 years later, and it's just entertainment. We all know we could be blown up by any sort of terrorist, AI or LI (limited intelligence) at any moment. We're not afraid anymore, just in anticipation.

The Terminator series, or as I like to call it, Sarah Conner, is entertainment.

I'll admit, I think Lena Headey (great last name, btw, especially for her) is totally hot (that's Sarah Conner), completely believable as a tough-chick, and does a great job of being afraid for her "hope of humanity" son. I think she's the better Sarah Conner.

I'm really liking Thomas Dekker as John Conner, too. He seems to be relaxing into the character, and really exploring who it is he's playing. I like him.

Brian Austin Green does a damned good job as John's uncle, too. I was surprised to see him in the lineup. Don't know why, but I was. And he brings a great deal to the show.

Summer Glau is the most beautiful terminator ever. Only other female terminators will disagree.

And that's really what this post is all about. Summer Glau.

Last Tuesday night (I dvr it), I was watching Sarah Conner when I came to a decision. I rushed into the next room, where Terri was NOT watching the show, and informed her of my decision. I really wanted her to come in and see what I was talking about, but, as I'd thought, that wasn't going to happen. So I had to explain my realization and decision to her.

I'm a fan of Summer Glau.

I'm not usually a fan of any actor or actress. I'm usually a fan of whoever wrote the thing they're acting.

But there are a few. And Ms. Glau is now one.

Before the last episode, Allison, I liked her enough. I thought she did a decent job of being a terminator, and as I said, she's who I think is the hottest terminator so far.

I liked her in Firefly, too. Her character was interesting. When Serenity came out, and we REALLY got to see her character, interesting became an understatement. And in that movie, Summer did a great job.

In The Sarah Conner Chronicles, Summer was doing a good job of being a terminator, and I thought they did a pretty good job in casting her.

In last week's episode, Ms. Glau had to shuck her robotic act and be a human.

And the juxtaposition of those characters, and the way she played them, got me. I'm gotten. She rocked it. Robot, human at the end of a long, horrible journey, robot, horrid journey, robot, human, robot... She rocked it so much so that I paused the TV and rushed in to tell my wife that I LOVE Summer Glau! (I'm sure she liked that.)

I don't want to give away the whole story behind the episode, but I have to say that it's a great one. It let us into Summer's character (Cameron) who has been (and still is) very mysterious. Now we know why a machine told John Conner that she loves him...

The acting! The acting!

I just want to rave a little more about Summer Glau's acting. She did a fantastic job. FAN-tastic. Turned me into a full-blown fan in two minutes.

I'm sure she's been working on me since Firefly. But it was the two characters she played in Allison that cinched the deal.

I'm a fan of Summer Glau. And I wanted to say that outloud.

I'd love for her to play a character in something I write.

Can't wait for tomorrow night.

Outlast the Stars

2008-10-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Every Day Fiction's October ToC has been published. There looks to be quite a few new names on the list this month. There's also several of my favorites on there like Erin M. Kinch, K.C. Ball, Jason Stout, Alexander Burns, Sylvia Spruck Wrigley and Sarah Hilary! I'm excited to read some promised horror stories in honor of Halloween.

My story, Outlast the Stars, comes out on the eighth. It's not a horror story.

It's one of those that contains a lot me, it's going to be one that hurts if someone says anything negative about it. I hope you like it.

Here's the table of contents for EDF. If you're not already a reader, you should be.

October’s Table of Contents

Oct 1 Kevin Jewell Enter Not
Oct 2 Barry Davis Devil Do
Oct 3 Rumjhum Biswas My Daughter
Oct 4 Dave MacPherson Gallery Four
Oct 5 Jason Stout The Unstoppable Evelyn McHale, May 1, 1947
Oct 6 Oonah V Joslin You Must Remember This
Oct 7 Richard Lamb The Watch
Oct 8 Kevin Shamel Outlast the Stars
Oct 9 Amy Corbin The Adoption
Oct 10 Brian Dolton Weaving Fancies For The Children
Oct 11 Acquanetta M. Sproule Dern Spot
Oct 12 Sarah Black Pies of God
Oct 13 Milan Smith Sasha’s Knee
Oct 14 Douglas Campbell Forlorn Hope Fancy
Oct 15 Jonathan Pinnock Visiting Time
Oct 16 K.C. Ball In His Prime
Oct 17 Celeste Goschen Life Without Jerry
Oct 18 Stephanie Siebert Greedy
Oct 19 Robin Vandenberg Hernfield Sea Shell
Oct 20 Alexander Burns Apotheosis Cake
Oct 21 Joshua Reynolds Rush Hour
Oct 22 Nuala Ní Chonchúir Roy Lichtenstein’s Nudes In A Mirror: We Are Not Fake!
Oct 23 Sarah Hilary Revenge of the River Gods
Oct 24 Ann M. Pino End Times
Oct 25 Erin M. Kinch A Million Faces
Oct 26 Iggy Smythe Any Rapport In A Storm
Oct 27 Jim Harrington The Kiss
Oct 28 Sylvia Spruck Wrigley Darren Is Updating His Facebook Status
Oct 29 Tels Merrick All of My Heart
Oct 30 niddy Monster in the Attic
Oct 31 Kyle White Sweet Bite

Thanks for reading!

I Love Sarah (Silverman, NOT the other one)

2008-10-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

Because I Listen to My Wife

2008-09-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

I've spent some time concentrating on our new friend Travis. It's been fun.

Click it for a closer view.

And Travis, if you happen upon this, please don't drive that thing all the way here to kick my ass. Just comment here, and I'll take the pics down.

hee hee!

What to do on Sunday? or, Adventures in Going With the Flow and Following Signs

2008-09-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

I tend to spend Sundays and Mondays at my computer as much as possible. It's because Terri gets those days off, and she hangs out downstairs with the kiddos, or takes them shopping, or playing, or whatever she comes up with. Whatever she comes up with usually doesn't involve me. At least not me going with them.

So yesterday, as I hunkered down, opened the stories I'm working on, answered emails, and checked myspace, Terri came up to the office.

She said, "I'm taking the kids to Mt. Rainier today. Wanna come?"

I don't think she expected me to say yes, I rarely go where she's planned to take the kids on those workdays of mine. BUT, we've lived here for two years, and we hadn't been there yet. Mt. Ranier? That snowy, gorgeous, active volcano that lives right next to us? I said hell yes.

I wondered if we might be leaving a bit late in the day, she thought of going at 10:30 in the morning, and we had to get everyone ready. I figured we'd get out of town around 1. We were on our way at 1:22. It's not even a two-hour drive to the Park, so even though we were leaving then, I figured we'd get some good sight-seeing in. And it was Terri's rad, spontaneous idea. We went with the flow.

It was a gorgeous day yesterday. The mountain was OUT.

~If you don't live around here, that might be an odd statement. See, a lot of times there are clouds between us and Mt. Rainier. (It makes its own weather, too.) The mountain's out means it's a clear, gorgeous day and we can see that huge mountain from miles and miles and miles away. The weather dude in Seattle says things like, "It's a beautiful day today, the mountain is out." We also have "sun-breaks", another local weather term that doesn't make sense most places, but that wasn't the case yesterday. It was warm, sunny, and blue, blue sky.~

We've got this new camera. It's a Nikon Coolpix. I'm still learning how to use it to its utmost ability, and I thought that surely taking pictures of our journey would be a great way to figure out long-distance, up-close, portrait, all that jazz. Plus, Mt. Rainier!! The Coolpix takes great photos. I'm really enjoying the camera so far.

I like photography. I've had good cameras since I could use one. I haven't yet had the best camera, but I'm working on that. In fact, I'm working on having several of the best cameras, which I will carry with me everywhere I go.

And I'll carry batteries for them. LOTS and LOTS of batteries for them. Enough batteries to power North America for ten years. Lots of batteries. Oh, the batteries I'll have. Bat. Ter. Ies.

Have you guessed where this is going?

Our Coolpix camera takes flat, recharchable lithium batteries. While we gathered clothes, snacks, showers, and kids, Terri charged its battery.

We let Caspian take our old camera, one that sucks the life out of AA batteries after a couple hours of use. We brought extra batteries for it.

Zane took his Fisher Price digital camera for toddlers. We put new batteries in it before we left.

We were SET for photographing our spontaneous adventure to freakin' Mt. Rainier!

As I said, the mountain was out. Driving down Pacific Ave. on our way out of town, it was huge and happy right smack in front of us. I started taking pics of the trip two blocks from home.

We cruised along, enjoying the autumnal beauty of this great Pacific Northwest. I snapped photo after photo out the car window--Mt. Rainier as we neared it, old barns, weird castle coffee shacks, church steeples with fall leaves fluttering around them, blurry trees, lakes, freaky people, you name it.

I was telling Terri how much I love our new camera, but was frustrated that I didn't have a few of them, one for quick shots of the weird shit beside the road, one with some powerful big lenses that I could keep focused on the distant volcano, and one for my pocket.

If you've been following my posts, and if you've read any of Terri's blogging, you'll know that we're using the Law of Attraction to bring us the life we want. Part of that is putting things positively, feeling the positivity of the situation. For example: Instead of me feeling frustrated that I didn't have three top-of-the-line cameras, I should feel the joy of when I do. So I was working on that.

We tooled along, and I talked about how great it was going to be to have so many useful cameras, and how much I love taking pictures, and how much fun I was having doing it, and how happy I was that we were headed to a place that I could really use the camera.

When we arrived at Mt. Rainier National Park, I'd taken twenty or thirty shots.

So we drive up to the entry gate (and I snap a postcard photo of the entrance) and learn that it's "free day" at the Park. No entry fee. How cool that Terri picked this day to go, right? Our first time there, a total spontaneous trip, and it's free day. How cool.

Terri had printed out a driving guide for the Park. There was a photo-taking bridge, where you get a sweet view of the mountain while standing above a glacial stream. Gorgeous place, the drive-guide says. 3.3 miles into the Park.

I snap a couple of shots on the way to the bridge. One of blurry trees, one of some silt deposits in the low, late-season river.

At the bridge, we crossed the highway to the mountain viewing area, followed a raised boardwalk built by Japanese exchange students, and came to the viewing point. I took two shots of the mountain, gathered Terri and the kids together for a shot of them in front of the mountain, and then took one more of Rainier without the sign standing in the viewing area.

I wanted to get a shot of the boys sitting on a bench. As I raised the camera, it beeped twice and a message came on the viewscreen. "Battery power exceeded." And it shut down.

I'd maybe had the camera on for an hour, all told. I couldn't believe the battery was dead. I tried to refuse to believe it by turning the camera off and back on. But it wouldn't come back on. It didn't all day.

So, here we were, at our very first stop in the Park, the whole afternoon of seeing its gorgeous wonders ahead of us, and now my well-voiced hopes of taking hundreds of pictures have been dashed (and dashed hard, like against rocks in a raging glacial river). At the start of our trip, Terri warned me against taking too many pictures, saying that the memory card could only handle 500--a number she pulled out of the ether, but that I thought was probably right, knowing that I've had 260 shots on it before.

When it died after such a short time, I was seriously crushed.

I tried to get over it. I really tried. But as we drove on, I kept seeing things I wished I could photograph.

Caspian still had a working camera. It's our old one, and it sucks, but we told him he could be the photographer for the day.

(Zane said he'd take pictures, too. We looked at his today. He took seven photos--two of me, two of Terri, one of Caspian's nose, one blurry gray one, one blurry green one, and a shot of his blurry crotch.)

After the camera died, and I was trying not to be bummed about it, back at the car, Zane decides he's hungry. So he eats a bunch of goldfish crackers or something and some craisens. But he's still hungry. Caspian says he's really hungry, too. I'm starving because now that I don't smoke, I eat lunch, and I didn't before we left. I'm sure that was part of me not getting over the loss of my camera. I have a touch of hypoglycemia without regular fooding.

Instead of making the next few stops suggested in our driving guide, we decide to haul-ass to the nearest eatery and save ourselves. We also held out hope that maybe one of the tourist-trap gift shops will have our camera's kind of battery and trade it to us for our car or something equally expensive. They sold candybars for $1.75. They also sold five kinds of lithium battery, but not the kind for our camera.

The dude said, "Yeah, that's a weird one."

Come on. Ashton Kucher is the spokesdude for our camera. I'll bet there are a few people out there with one. Weird one my ass. Try, I work in a gift shop in the mountains. I have no fucking clue what's going outside it.

(Not that there's anything wrong with that. I spent two years living in the mountains having no fucking clue what was going on outside my tiny town. I didn't even know who'd been elected president--Bush senior--until five months after the fact, and only because someone was bitching about it. But if you're some old freak who lives in the Park Service Dormatory Cabins at the base of Mt. Rainier, don't be telling people that their batteries are weird ones, because really, on what could you possibly be basing that?)

So after the unsuccesful battery buying attempt, and the hundred bucks Terri spent on a bottle of water and two big cookies, we made our way to the hotel restaurant.

I was a waiter for many, many years. If I glance into a dining room, I can tell you exactly what's happening in there. Standing at the Please Wait to be Seated sign, I saw what was going on beyond it, and it was not a pretty picture.

There was a party of 15-20 to the right of us in the middle of eating. Four kids.

To our left were three tables for four. Three of them had the remains of lunch on them, plates and all.

In front of us, deep into the dining room's interior, a young waitress sped to and fro, waiting on three tables of customers--a two-top, and two fours. Her hair was frazzled, she had a pen and pad in her hand, and she was doing that dance where half of your body goes to the left, and the other half to the right while your head swings 'round side-to-side trying to figure out which part of your body has it correct. There were seven visible open tables.

While I was observing, I tuned-in to the hotel desk manager's phone conversation going on beside us. It went like this: "Oh, well, she's real busy right now. Yeah, we had a rush. Who is this? Oh, hi! Yeah, it just got really busy. She's still busy."

After she convinced the caller that the waitress was busy (I was already convinced), the desk manager turned to us and said, "Hello. Are you folks on our list?" A list. At three-forty-five in the afternoon. Four occupied tables. One (obviously not so good at her job) waitress. And a wait-list. With one name on it. I asked how long the wait was.

"Oh, about fifteen minutes."

Who's worked in a restaurant? What does that sentence up there mean?

For those of you who don't know, who just say, "Okay, put me on the list." and then sixteen minutes later storm the hostess and demand to know why you've not been seated, and then after she tells you it may be a bit longer, you spend another fifteen mollified minutes staring at the poor girl who truly cannot control when people decide to leave the restaurant and offer up their table for you, and finally freak out and yell at her in forty minutes and are seated in fifty (or even if you sit there patiently and don't do anything lame), let me tell you what, Oh, about fifteen minutes means.

It means, I don't fucking know, dude. As soon as that inept fucking waitress can get a handle on her easy goddamned job and clean a table or two. As soon as the manager gets a fucking clue and comes out to help. As soon as I can get rid of you so that I can become uber-busperson and clean those four tables, reset them, get water for that party right there, grab whatever the inept waitress needs me to grab for her, then cashier for the three tables that are about to leave at once. As soon as I feel like it. Or any variation of such themes.

It does not mean fifteen minutes.

It especially does not mean fifteen minutes if you're an experienced restaurant worker who's just seen what's going on in the dining room and learned that the spastic ballerina with the frazzled hair is the only one running the show. It means forget it.

It means that when Terri said, "It's up to you, dude." I said, "Let's drive the thirty mountainous miles to the next eatery and hope we make it before they close." Because we were on a time-limit. All the visitor centers close at six. It was almost four. I know how long it takes to drive thirty miles in the mountains, especially in a National Park with 35 or 25mph speed limits. Sometimes much longer than two hours.

So, with kids cramping with hunger, and me trying not to be a pissed-off douchebag, but not really succeeding, we limped to the car (which we'd parked very far away from the restaurant, because there were no signs and we drove a circuit around the damned place before we decided to just park and go find food.) and made our way to Paradise, the Park's town at the base of the mountain.

We drove straight past all that stuff I'd wanted to walk around and take photos of. We drove straight to where a sign said that the parking lot was full, and we had to park on the side of the mountain and hike up to the visitor's center. Which we did.

I lugged Zane up there, and had to honestly sit and catch my breath, something I don't think I've had to do since I ran races when I was sixteen. We sent Caspian into the dome-shaped visitor's center to see if that's where the restaurant was. He came out and told us no. He said there was a Park Ranger there at an info desk.

I panted, "Go ask him."

Caspian came back and told us there were twenty people waiting in line to talk to him. I'd caught my breath, so we decided to head over to the Swiss Chalet looking building to the left of us. Upon arrival we learned from a small sign tacked to its wall that it was a private residence.

Terri took control and ushered us all back into the visitor's center.

We immediately saw a sign that said: ---Grill---> So without bitching at Caspian too much, and knowing that this was the grill and not the restaurant, I led us there as quickly as I could weave a trail between the freaky tourists gawking about the dome. Yes, freaky tourists. Lots of just plain weirdos. Even Terri thought there were gobs of freaks, and she's not usually the one to say so. It's usually me going, "These people are fucking weirdos!" and her saying things like, "Shut up, dude."

We get in line at the grill. Terri notices that there aren't many tables available, and urges me and Zane to go grab one. I smell fries and leave my order with Terri--a bacon cheeseburger and LARGE fries. Zane wants a cheeseburger and fries. We find a booth. I clean it with napkins. We sit and talk about fries. Zane is going to need some of mine. But I can have some of his, too. Then Caspian comes over and tells us they just read sign that says there's no fries.

Our burgers are small. There's one piece of bacon on mine. We get little bags of chips. Terri buys two extra because I sent Caspian the bad-news-bearer back to her with the message that since there are no fries, we need lots of chips. She knows I'm on the verge of being Hunger-Maniac, No Camera, Surrounded by Weirdos, Super-Asshole Man, so she gets a lot.

I ate my burger in three bites.

On the first bite, I ask Terri, "Didn't I read that this place was just built? It's totally falling apart. It looks like shit." Seriously, pieces of it were falling apart. It looked like it was thirty years old, retro-ghettoish.

We shrugged about it while we chewed.

On the second bite, an announcement comes over the intercom system that the grill will be closing in fifteen minutes. The announcer goes on to say that the visitor's center will close in half-an-hour, permanently. That's right, folks, after today this building will be closed, and demolished, so take your photos now.

We all gawked at each other.

It was our first time at the park. We came on Free Day. We barely made it to the visitor's center to quell our enormous collective hunger, after quite a weird and tiring journey to get there, and then we learn that we're there in its last moments of life.

It was kinda crazy.

We talked to a grill-worker about it. Turns out we were in the old visitor's center. The new one was past that sign that told us the parking lot was full and that we should park on the side of the mountain and hike all the way up to the old visitor's center. Just built.

So, after finding the bathrooms, and the not carrying our camera's battery gift shop, we made our way up a twisting set of ramps to the viewing deck of the old visitor's center. Yup. We could see the new visitor's center from there. And the hotel and restaurant. My nibble of burger sat like a stone in my sour stomach.

But, I still tried not to be an ass. I asked Caspian if I could use our old camera for a few shots of the mountain, and of the kids in the observation room. We used it for our patented family photo self-photo. I tried not to think about how much better the useless camera in my pocket was. I kept the old one on the way back to the car and took some subpar pics of the family and the volcano.

We started out of the Park as the sun started going down.

It was a gorgeous drive home.

I tried to take a couple shots of Mt. Rainier all purple and pink and huge in the setting sunlight with our old shitty camera. They didn't work out. So I took one of me letting a little of the welling frustration out with a snarl.

We'll go back to the Park in the spring. I'll have three good cameras and a pack of batteries with the combined energy to make any nuclear power plant hide its radioactive face in shame.

For now, this is what we managed to capture of our long, strange trip:

On the way. The mountain is OUT.

Alder Lake, I believe. It's near the Park. I liked the stumps.

This is a metal-works art gallery on the way to the park. It looked cool. I got two shots of it from the car and this is the least blurry of them. Zane loves giraffes.

This dude cracks me up every time I see this pic. He was driving his golf cart along the highway, and I turned the camera backward out the window to take this pic. I had no idea how it turned out (dead camera thing) until we got home last night. I hurt myself laughing at it. The poor freaky dude totally saw me snap his pic. Look at him! Terri named him Travis because we saw a spray-painted ratty square of plywood propped up alongside the road that said, Travis Birthday Party near where we passed him. We figure it's Travis on his way to his party.

The postcard entrance shot through the windshield.

Third to last photo of the day from Coolpix One. (I'm naming it that so as not to confuse it with the other two I'll have by spring.)

Here's a shot Caspian took of Terri on our way to the viewpoint.

Here's the one shot of Terri and the dudes at Mt. Rainier that I managed. Second to last CP1 photo of the day.

Our family portrait inside the observation deck of the dome. Sorry you're making such a strange face, Zane, but I'm lookin' pretty stupid myself, so at least we're together in our not so great part of the family photo.

These are shots I took with the old camera after we left the soon to be demolished visitor's center.

Here I am expressing my love for our old camera and the fact that I couldn't use our new one.

Here's what Caspian took pictures of when I gave him the old camera back after I couldn't stand missing shots of the mountain on the way home because the stupid thing takes forever to process the previous shot, and doesn't really take the photo when you push the shutter button.

We had an okay trip.

It was gorgeous, and Mt. Rainier is simply awesome. We saw the things we'd like to take a closer look at, the kids were cool and good the whole time, Zane didn't puke, we know how long it takes to get to everywhere we can drive, and we know that the gift shops, though they do sell hand-carved bolo-tie clasps for fifty dollars, do not carry our camera's weird lithium batteries. We'll go back in the spring when the rivers are really rockin' and we'll spend the whole day there, with a cooler full of food.

How was your Sunday?

Dumb Dogs, Pre-School is O-K, So is the U.S. Financial Crisis

2008-09-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to have quit smoking. When the stock market collapses, and the US's financial crisis really gets swinging, cigarettes are going to be very expensive. I'm happy to stop now.

I had some problems with sickness from Chantix. Gut-wrenching, dizzying, headachy sickness. But that seems to have abated. I had to go back to having a few cigarettes a day for about two weeks to help me from feeling so damned bad. A few days ago I cut it to one cigarette in the morning, and one at night. Two days ago I just had one in the morning. I didn't have one yesterday. I haven't had one today.

I would have, had I been silly enough to have a pack around. This morning was terrible, dropping off Zane. Yesterday I went with him into his classroom. Today Terri went with us for the drop-off, which I kinda thought might make things more difficult, and it did. He wanted us both to go in to the class, and we decided not to. He really freaked out.

I had to fight a lot of instinct. I wanted to run through the stumbling line of three-year-olds, knocking a trail through them, tear the huge glass doors off their hinges and rush to my kid. Then I wanted to take him to get cookies and ice cream, maybe a puppy or pony or something, dance with him all morning, whisk us all away to an island and never make him go to school.

Instead I called to him that it'd be okay. That he'd be fine, and that I'd be back to pick him up soon. And I watched him scream his way into the school, tugged along by the teacher. "I want my Mommy!" "I want Daddy!"

I'm sure he was soon fine. Probably sooner than me.

I had to yell at the cigarettes that I was not going to smoke because I was stressed out. I called them names and said I was not going to smoke them. Stupid things. Then I yelled a bit at me, some junk about Pavlov and his dog, and my dumb dog response to stress. Then I went upstairs and checked my email.

I read Sarah Hilary's story. Check it out here: Tuesdays and Thursdays . It's excellent, as her writing tends to be. It brought me great memories. You should all go read it if you haven't already.

So I didn't smoke. I haven't really wanted to. I'm not going to. I take a pill in about a half an hour, it'll block up my nicotine receptors, maybe make me a little sick, but it'll help me not smoke. So I won't be that dumb dog anymore.

Which will help when cigarettes cost ten bucks a pack, and money is hard to come by, or not worth the paper tobacco is rolled in.

In order to manifest a happy, unfucked United States, I won't state that I'm worried. But, I have been paying attention, and I'm really having to use my imagination to project any sort of good feeling about the state of this union.

I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have chosen the entertainment industry as my career path. Everyone needs to hear or read a good story, especially if they're Depressed. Actors thrived in the early 30's, as did novelists, radio personalities, musicians, artists, all those good jobs I can do. I'm also thinking about how I can grow food, and make things or fix things if they need fixing. I'm handy to have around if there's no electricity or running water, I've lived that way before. I'm thinking how I have useful skills, and an able body.

I'm not thinking about bread pudding, or any of that nasty shit my grandmother ate, having been 28 years old with a couple of kids, living in the dustbowl in 1929. Not thinking about that...

I'm thinking I get to go pick up Zane in fifty minutes.

I'm thinking that no matter what, there's love and laughing.

Now I've gotta go hug my wife.

It Happened so Quickly

2008-09-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

Zane went to pre-school this morning! He's been on his own for the first time for an hour now. I hope he's doing great. I'm sure he is.

We weren't sure if he was ready for being away from his mom and me. We had a call in to the pre-school, but they hadn't called back and school's been going on for a while now, so we'd decided it just wasn't meant to be this year.

But last week the teacher called us and said that Zane could come in for an evaluation. Terri and I waffled a little about even having our lil' dude go to school right now, having a conversation about it while on the line with the teacher. Then she explained what the school is all about, and told us that most kids his age did great at pre-school, but that it was up to us of course, and we could call her back the next day. We decided on the phone that he should go.

His evaluation was yesterday.

He started school this morning.

He was so cool looking:

I went into class with him. It was totally cute. He did really well. I left as he was deciding what to play. He had a lot of choices, but I don't think he was clear on what they were. He chose to go outside and play on the playground equipment, but that wasn't an option. I wonder how he did with that... He's wanted to play on those toys since he saw them last year when we dropped Caspian off at school one day.

I think he was going to pretend to paint a house.

He told the teachers that he paints with me all the time.

I took video, and of course shut it off right before he said that.

I'm doing pretty good with him being gone. Came up here to the office and checked my e's and did this post. He'll be fine. I'm sure he's having a blast.

Though I did see that he's probably going to have a girlfriend soon enough. There was a little girl named Sydney who was very talkative and helpful. He didn't like her one bit.

Yay, Zane! Pre-schooler!

Aaaaaarrrrrrgh!

2008-09-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

I can't be believin' it.

'Spent most tha mornin' talkin' like some land-lubbin' stiff-leg.

It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

It were a thick fog in me head that trussed me early noggin' to the jury mast o' the ghost ship Forgetfulness.

By the Furies, I sha'n't (is that correct, Erin?!) be so daft again.

Now, avast ye all! Out into the wide, big world ta spread the talk o' Piratin'! Off with ya, scamps and skallywags!

(today is always fun for me.)

Tagged Again

2008-09-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am obviously not running around the school yard fast enough.

Gay tagged me again. (; If this were kissing tag, we'd totally be making out by now. ;)

This one looks pretty fun, but it's got some rules. I will try and follow them to the number and letter. I don't follow that many blogs, though. I'll try.

Here's the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things/unspectacular quirks about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Six Random Things:

1. I like bugs. I like to watch ants, spiders, bees, whatever. I don't kill them if they're in the house, except trains of ants, or hives of wasps if they try to sting me or my family.

2. I was nearly killed by fire ants. I almost put this up there along with number one, but then I thought about coming up with five other things, and figured this ought to be a thing on its own. It's a long story about military school and the rainy season of tropical Texas, but I'll cut to the quick and tell you that a floating island of fire ants landed upon my shores. I would have died without an adrenalin shot, and nearly didn't make it as it was. I had no idea I was allergic to their venom. Apparently, most people don't.

3. I get vertigo. Sometimes I'm petrified of heights, sometimes not. Sometimes I get all spinny and freaky and latch onto whatever I can, sometimes I hang over the edge and look down. I want to one day sky dive, but I wonder if I'll freak out when I'm supposed to jump and not do it. That would suck ass, so I haven't put it at the top of any to-do lists.

4. I have an unusually high tolerance for pain and drugs. Which sucks when I'm really hurt and get prescribed pain-killers that don't really work.

5. I'm an environmentalist. Apparently, that's a bad word to certain people (like my parents). I don't quite understand that, and I'm happy that our upcoming generations are more like me than them. I've always loved and respected our Earth. I've always wished that the people who don't would start. I don't tolerate short-term thinking or selfishness. I can't believe people think themselves separate from their environment. That is insane thinking.

6. I value humor over most things. You can be a complete asshole, but if you're funny, I'll probably like you.

Wow. That was easy.

Now let's see if I can tag enough people.

Terri --my sweet and lovely wife should be tagged. She is the most interesting person I know.
Iron Outlaw (B.) (Addy) (That crazy Aussie dude) --my friend from Australia. Watch out for his blogging, not for the faint of heart or those who don't like it straight and sweary.
Erin M. Kinch --a writer and blogger that I'd surely like to know more about.
Claire de' --singer, crazy woman, good person. And she's always got good random facts.
Sarah Hilary --an excellent writer, an interesting person, and shall someday have action figures for characters from her stories.
K.C. Ball --a retired journalist gone fiction writer. She can write, too. I'll bet there's cool things to learn about K.C.

Okay! I think I followed all the rules.

7. I'm really bad about following rules. I usually break them on purpose. Especially if I can't see their purpose. (It's because I'm a bad boy.)

:)

Double Your Fun?

2008-09-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

People are always talking about going back and reliving their childhood. Wouldn't it be great to get back to those old forests, toys, teachers, and innocence?

Nope.

It would mean you'd have to be a virgin again.

I wrote a story about that, and Every Day Fiction published it today. It's called Double Virginity. I had a really good time writing it.

So far, people seem to like it.

Please drop by and give it a read (and rating and comment!). Double Virginity

Let me know what you think--would it be fun?

She Can Suck It

2008-09-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

You may or may not love Pamela Anderson. I happen to love her. I won't go into all the reasons why, but I assure you, they're not all sexual. In fact, the real reason I like her is that she's outspoken and honest. You might say she's shameless.

I try and not be political. At least as far as politics are concerned. But sometimes the ruling class goes too far. Sarah Palin is an obvious ploy by republicans to convince the public that they want a woman in charge of the country. Number one, that is bullshit. Two, the public does want a woman as president, but not Sarah Palin. We don't even want her as vice president.

There are so many reasons why. From her politics to her not believing dinosaurs existed (or that they did, but four thousand years ago, or that God made those funny rocks into the shapes of giant animals for our entertainment, or whatever weird, lipstick-pitbull, tiny Alaska town freaky crap she's into), from her false fronts, her policies as governor, and even pretending to know what the hell she's talking about to her and McCain running commercials about how they're not republicans. Devil in a red dress, it's plain to see. And no MILF, certainly.

Pamela Anderson doesn't like her, either.

Check out what she had to say:

Go Pam.

When I saw this, I honestly thought, "Pamela Anderson is my long-lost twin."

She can suck it. It's exactly something I'd say if asked about Sarah Palin. Quote me.

Anyway, it struck me.

So I made some shirts about it, as I'm prone to do about political things that grab me, though I do profess that I'm really not all that political, especially about politics:

I know some of you out there are republicans, and you believe that global warming is all natural and normal, and that oil is the best fuel (or money-maker, or both) that there is, and that there's nothing you can do for the future, so you might as well live like an asshole now and take as much as you can while flipping off the rest of the world because they're not as smart and savvy as you are, and that poor people suck anyway, and that those tools who stand up in front of you and lie about how different they are from that other tool that you either don't want to admit that you voted for, or that you'll defend to the end, being as big of a tool as him, aren't really the harbingers of doom that they are. I know you think Sarah Palin and John McCain are the suits for you. I know you won't want to buy these shirts. (Unless you're total perverts, too, which is definitely possible.) So you don't have to tell me how much you don't want to buy them. If you don't, I'll assume you didn't want to.

If you're not one of those perverts, then you might want to show up to get the thumbs up in a Suck it, Palin t.

I'll honestly tell you--I'm not very political. I don't know all the candidates' views on all the issues. What I do know is this: Every time I've heard Obama talk, he's made a lot of sense. He's one of those honest, outspoken, shameless sorts that I admire.

McCain and Palin, side-by-side, look like a couple of rodents--smug about having just dug through our cabinets.

So, I'm with Pam.

Suck it, Palin.

Quote me.

I Have Zombies on My Brain

2008-09-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

At least they're not IN my brain! (buh-dump-buh)

I know I said I was only writing a novel, but I got this zombie story thrashing to get borned.

Chantix is great, but it makes me sick, or withdrawls make me sick, or both. I spent a long time researching what others had gone through in their Chantix journey, and I'm now going about it a little differently than I was.

I'm smoking a couple cigarettes a day to stop the withdrawls from killing me. One mid day and one at night, and maybe one in the morning. I know that means I haven't quit. It means I'm quitting. I'll stop doing even that soon enough. I don't like smoking anymore. It's yucky tasting and stinky.

But that's what's up with that. I'm still quitting, but I'm still smoking a little. And even with things the way they are, I say three cigarettes a day is seventeen times better than a pack. I'll get it down to none soon enough. I've got three months of this Chantix to go.

I thought I'd let you know about my fight with smoking vs. puking because Terri told me I should, and since she's got the good advice, I usually listen to her. Plus, she's my wife, ya know.

Now back to the zombies.

No Holes Yet...

2008-09-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

Particle physics: I know so little about it that I could count what exotic materials (see, probably not even using the correct terms) I've heard of on one hand. (Counting fingers, not sub-atomic particles.)

BUT I think it's really cool.

Being a science fiction reader and writer, I've run across several tales in my time dealing with CERN, and that other particle accelerator (what's it called?). Usually they have to do with time travel, tears in the space-time continuum, other dimensions, tiny things getting huge, or black holes being born.

Apparently, scientists are actually worried about that last item on the sci-fi list.

Some say that the new particle accelerator, The Large Hadron Collider (They turned it on today/yesterday.), is a very dangerous machine. They're afraid that it could spawn little black holes that would (relatively--is that a double pun?) slowly eat the planet.

Wouldn't the holes keep eating after that? I'd think the danger is to the whole solar system--and maybe beyond it--but most Earth scientists are rather elitist, concerned only about life on this planet...

At any rate, the majority of scientists say that the collider won't produce black holes. BUT it could produce strangelets, dark matter, maybe even anti-matter. Now, as I said, those terms there mean little to me, as I'm not a particle physicist. However, I do know that anti-matter means the opposite of matter, and that in itself might not be a good thing to create inside a big tube under the earth. It could also be the best thing to happen to humankind so far.

But hey, scientists know what they're doing right? Especially those dealing with theoretical particles, ideas about how things form in the universe, and computer models of how matter might react if certain things are done with it. No worries.

The scientists who say nothing bad can happen are (not being very scientific, really) already touting the fact that the machine is turned on and no black holes have been born. Then, as if in afterthought, they say, "The machine's not up to speed and won't be for a year, so nothing's happening in there right now." So really, we still don't know if black holes will spring forth from the huge metal oval under France. Or is it Switzerland? We'll know in in a year, when the machine reaches full operating capacity.

I'm not really worried. Scientists do all sorts of crazy stuff to matter every day. We just don't hear about it. I suggest everyone read some science fiction or conspiracy theories.

I've actually written a story about a small black hole let loose inside a planet. (Who hasn't?) Here's an exerpt:

I happened to be in the right place at the right time. (That’s a joke among my people.) I’d just taken seven ships to the science planet of Aros, and was in orbit, programming the flight computer to head home, when the planet disappeared under me.

Not all at once, but quickly. At first I couldn’t understand what was happening. My radio began screaming—voices shrieking for help, and warnings from observatories and sentries across the system. I had a good view of the planet, and could see a dark spot growing on its surface.

I escaped.

At a respectable distance, I observed the planet’s demise.

I don’t have time to explain it all, I’ve probably put too much detail into this anyway, and I have to go soon. I’ll tell you what I can.

They had a small black hole contained at Aros. No one knows how, but they lost containment, and the thing ate the planet.

I’ve been monitoring the hole, sending distress signals, trying to make sense of radio chatter blasting through my speakers.

Worlds will fall into the hole. Billions will die. But I can stop it.

And of course, he does. But Aros is completely destroyed by then.

As I said, this isn't my idea. I actually wrote the story that the above comes from, inspired from another short story about a group of scientists who find an alien machine on a distant planet, and they accidentally turn it off, letting slip the small black hole inside it that had been powering the alien technology abandoned on the planet for 10,000 years or so. They think one of the scientists did it on purpose.

I just tried to find a list of all the books and movies dealing with particle accelerators. I was not fruitful. But I was reminded that in his book, Angels and Demons, Dan Brown (I know, but you really should read Angels and Demons. It's the same sort of thing as the Davinci Code, but better.) makes CERN into a place of unwitting evil.

Angels and Demons is about a secret society using anti-matter stolen from CERN to destroy the Vatican. There's a great interview about the facts of CERN and how they relate to Angels and Demons here: CERN-Angels and Demons

Anyway, the idea that a collider could cause the end of the world is not new.

And I say, "Something has to."

I guess we'll see what happens when that sucker is all warmed up and they start flinging particles at each other in the ultimate rollercoaster/crash-up derby in the world. Oh, to be a quark on the wall inside that crazy tube.

If we don't all die by being stretched to infinity inside an expanding black hole or three, then the newest, biggest, best particle collider ever is going to give scientists a glimpse into the fabric of the universe. They think they could discover new particles, new dimensions, and even a Higgs-Boson particle! (That's the particle that scientists think holds the key to the secrets of mass.)

That's some awesome stuff. I really hope it works.

If it doesn't destroy us, we science fiction writers may end up with new story ideas.

If it does? Well, scientists have also always wondered exactly what happens to objects that are sucked into a black hole. They'd all find out first-hand.

Day Four--Easy Peasy

2008-09-08T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to check-in with everyone to let you all know that I have this smoking-thing whupped. I'm fine.

It's the fourth day. Less and less do I find myself thinking, "I don't smoke now." I don't have cause. Stress doesn't even do it.

I feel free.

Anyone who's looking to quit smoking, even if you've tried nearly everything, give Chantix a try! I'm a walking commercial for it.

Yay for me!

I'm a Believer

2008-09-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

Second day of not smoking. I can't even give you the hourly count.

Because I don't care.

Seriously, it doesn't matter. I'm a non-smoker now. I have no desire, other than little psychological glimmers, to smoke. I have no physical withdrawl symptoms. I'm free.

This is not the first time I've quit. This is the fourth.

The first time I was 16. I was in the middle of my second year at military school. My first year, smoking was encouraged. My second year, it became illegal. They hooked us, and then took our drugs away. The school's solution was to put us all on Nicorette gum. 1987 Nicorette gum. It was like chewing a sockfull of wet cigarette butts with a sprig of regurgitated mint.

We smoked on the sly.

So, when my tongue started falling apart, it was a month before I gathered the courage to talk to the school doc. I quit smoking for that month, and it was terrible. I thought I had tongue cancer, and they'd find out I'd been smoking, and I'd get kicked out, or at least stripped of rank and doomed to dig ditches on my weekends. (By then I had an established weekly trip to Mexico, I couldn't blow that...) It turned out to be a throat infection. I was busted, but the doc was kinda my friend, and he didn't turn me in. As soon as my tongue cleared up, I went back to smoking out the windows, and smoking freely off-base.

The second time I quit smoking, I was 30. I quit for Terri, my wife, who was at that time my new girlfriend. She didn't date smokers. So, in the middle of a weekend seminar I was teaching, while giving readings after classes, and talking to Terri all night on the phone, I quit smoking. I'm sure I was insane, but I was there as a psychic, so I think no one noticed. A few clients did notice that I fell asleep and started mumbling during their readings, but actually I received stellar information for them because my brain was sleeping while my mind wandered for them. At any rate, it was weird, and hard, and my hands felt big, but I did it for love.

I started smoking again about a month later, when I missed my two-year-old Caspian too much, and custody was an issue, and things were new and hard, and I fell back to it. I'd always wanted to smoke all along, anyway.

The third time I quit was recently. I tried to use the patch. The whole time was a countdown, or a countup, really. This many minutes without a smoke. This accomplishment without a smoke... I didn't last a week. I wanted to smoke and smoke and smoke. My hands felt big, my head spun, I was sick, needy, jonesy, all of it. I caved as soon as I quit.

This time is so different.

I ran the gauntlet yesterday. I was exposed to nearly every smoking trigger I have. I had four cavities filled, I was around smokers, I had crying kids, I drove the car, I ate, I went on walks, I drank coffee on the porch, I wrote, I did all the things that normally would have driven me insane for smoking.

I had a dream this morning that I accidentally smoked. In my dream, I lit a smoke, put it to my lips, and took a drag without thinking. When I realized what I'd done, I felt so robbed. I awoke, and thought, "Phew! Glad that was a dream. I don't smoke now."

And my first thought when I woke-up for the day was, "I don't smoke now."

I'm not bothered by it at all.

I think about having a smoke, like when I get a cup of coffee, but then all I have to do is think, "I don't smoke now." And that's it.

No cravings. My body feels normal. I feel good.

I already taste and smell things better. That's weird, too, it usually takes a couple of weeks for me to notice.

Chantix rules. It absolutely works. I have absolutely no physical cravings, and when I have the idea that I should smoke, it withers with a thought.

I sorta can't belive it.

I absolutely recommend it.

I don't smoke now.

Gay Said to Say This Outloud

2008-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

You know, lately I'm sick to death of literary magazines.

I used to aspire to wrap up all my thoughts into obscure, pretty words that drew upon the classics, the form, the intent, the fragility and diamond-strength of language structure--I wanted to say something real, and touching.

THEN I realized that I also want to make money while I do that. Since I'd rather spend my days writing than working for some asshole company, and I wasn't born into an idly wealthy family, I have to write things that make money. I can still be real and touching, but include EVERYONE who can read, not cater to a gob of intellectuals who wouldn't know life if it lived through them.

I realized that I like to tell stories that anyone can read. Not just someone who's attended the correct classes, schools, or writing workshops.

I can write literary fiction. It's just ridiculous to do it unless you don't give a whit about making a living. (Or garnering a public voice that is heard beyond universities, literary magazines and coffee shops.)

Literary writing is exclusive.

I aspire to be a best-selling author. That means my stories sell the best. It doesn't mean that they mean more or less than something about James Joyce's real meaning behind a bowl of oatmeal and a girl hanging upside down on a swing in that familiar, soft-focus, backyard where something wonderful hides something horrible, and everything means something more than is said, but you wouldn't understand unless you've studied Joyce at Emery with professor So-and-Such.

Pretention does not a story make.

That's my ten cents.

Remember, I'm at two hours and ten minutes of not smoking. I'm a little testy.

And I don't run some fancy-shmancy literary magazine.

Day One--One Hour and Fifty Minutes

2008-09-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

This morning is the first morning in many, many years that I didn't wake up, pull on all my clothes, and dash outside for a cigarette. I haven't smoked in the house for over ten years, once my kids started coming along, I was an outside smoker. What a pain in the ass that was.

This morning, my alarm was set to go off at 7:45. I woke up at 7:43 and my very first thought was: "I'm not going outside for a cigarette today." Then, "Shit, I quit smoking today."

Nearly two hours later, I'm thinking, "Wow, two hours and I'm not completely losing my mind." (I've thought that every half-hour or so--maybe I'm losing it just a little.)

I have the desire to go out and smoke. I had a cup of coffee in my hand, first thing in the morning, and that means sit on the porch, watch the neighborhood awake, and smoke. Then go inside, wait for fifteen minutes, and have another smoke to play catch-up for the six hours I was asleep. But I'm in control of it so far.

I'm thinking, "I really don't have to smoke."

And that, is weird.

We'll see how I do. I'm ignoring triggers as best I can. Even sitting here writing this makes me think I should pause to smoke. What a brain-game! I plan on writing today. Usually that means smoking a lot. I have to go have three cavities filled. Usually that means a "after all that horrible crap" smoke. I plan on ignoring all that today.

I think I want to smoke, but my body doesn't really need me to. So, as long as I can get over the initial desire, I do okay.

Oh, and you don't have to read these posts with not-smoking countdowns, they probably won't say much. I just need to say something about it. Especially today.

25 years is a lot of habit to change.

Bring Me a Bucket and a Cleaning Lady

2008-09-02T11:20:00.001-07:00

I've smoked cigarettes since I was 12 years old. By 15 I smoked a pack a day. That means I've smoked a pack a day for 22 years. I've smoked for 25. That's a good bunch of numbers, I think.

So Friday is my newest quit date.

This time I'm not messing around. I'm using good old fashioned pharmaceuticals. Am I allowed to say Chantix on the air?

I'm taking this drug because it gets in the way of the other drug that I take when I ingest cigarette smoke. The stuff they say is the most addictive chemical in the things--nicotine. But that might not even be true, because who the hell knows what else is in them? At any rate, Chantix is a nicotine receptor blocker. It fills up the nicotine slots in my brain cells so my brain thinks it's just had a smoke.

I'm on day four of taking them.

The pharmacist allayed my fears about the horrible daymares I'd heard about in association with Chantix by telling me that he hadn't even heard of anyone having a psychotic episode, but that a lot of people complained about nausea.

I'm complaining about that right now. That's really what this post is all about.

I'm supposed to be going to the grocery store for our weekly trip, taking both the kids. I'm not going.

Later, I have to go to Caspian's school to find out what class he's in and drop off his supplies and meet his teacher (please don't let it be that total dick!) and I'm not sure how I'm going to be feeling this afternoon.

Right now, each step is a threat.

This stuff better work.

Just thought I'd share with you. Be thankful you don't live here for the real sharing that could take place at any moment. TMI? Sorry.

Anyone else take this stuff?

2008-09-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

Every Day Fiction Turns 100!

Oh, sorry, I mean--One! It's been one year of daily flash fiction for everyone. That's 365 stories published. Who else does that? Well, no one.

EDF sends out a story every single day. It's a terrific thing for those of us who love to read. The zine has done a great job of its first year of life. I look forward to watching it grow into a well-adjusted (and sorta rock-and-roll, ass-kicking, super-star) adult. I'm very glad to have provided what I could to help it along in it's first year.

So what's going on at EDF? Well, they're throwing a party tonight. Wish I could be there.

They also just published their table of contents for the month:

September’s Table of Contents

Sept 1 K.C. Ball I Must to the Barber’s Chair
Sept 2 Abby “Merc” Rustad Bench Trial
Sept 3 Brian Dolton How the Rainbow Came To Be
Sept 4 Greta Igl Free
Sept 5 Frank O’Connor, freelance thinker The Holy Fool
Sept 6 Oonah V Joslin Closer to the Truth
Sept 7 Tels Merrick Are We There Yet
Sept 8 E.K. Entrada A Certain Patch of Grass
Sept 9 Robin Vandenberg Herrnfeld Three Wishes–A Fairytale
Sept 10 Avis Hickman-Gibb All the Continents of the Sun
Sept 11 Deven D Atkinson Becoming Cottontail
Sept 12 Gay Degani Stranger on the Porch
Sept 13 Tommy B. Smith The Eric Jones Show
Sept 14 Erin M. Kinch A Castle in the Clouds
Sept 15 Anna Schwind Another Boot
Sept 16 Celeste Goschen A Beautiful Lie
Sept 17 M.Sherlock Crossing the Bridge
Sept18 Kevin Shamel Double Virginity
Sept 19 Sylvia Spruck Wrigley The Banshee
Sept 20 Selena Thomason The Cat Won’t Stop Playing
Sept 21 Bill Ward The Unbelievable Non-Adventures of Gasbert and Zephyr
Sept 22 Frank Roger Complete Understanding
Sept 23 Megan Arkenberg Ghouls
Sept 24 Lenora Rain-Lee Good A Pitiful Face
Sept 25 Sarah Hilary Tuesdays and Thursdays
Sept 26 Jens Rushing Blankenship & Dawes in: Chrono-Conundrum!
Sept 27 Anne Marie Gomez Lester’s Lucky Day
Sept 28 BD Wilson Zalophus Philosophy
Sept 29 R. L. Copple The Carpool
Sept 30 Mari Ness The Shoes

Lots of great writers on that list! I see many of my favorites coming up this month.

AND my good pal M. Sherlock makes his Every Day Fiction debut! Congrats, M. (I've read the story, folks, you'll want to read it, too!) My other pal, Sarah Hilary, gives EDF an interview that lets us into her super-writer mind. She's one to watch for action figures and movie deals. Watch her, I say!

So that's every day news.

Now, back to the hurricanes...

2008-08-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

Manifest Laboratory

Terri, my very cool wife, has a new blog. This one is about a passion of hers. One I'm both lucky and happy she has.

She's into bringing things into her reality by consciously willing them there.

It works.

She has a list of things that she's brought into being. It's an evergrowing list of good stuff.

Here's a bit from her first entry:

It's ALL a work in progress. As Neale Donald Walsch is fond of saying, "We're making it all up." That's why I decided to call this a "laboratory". Oddly, I always hated lab work in school. I think probably because we already were supposed to know what we were getting with experience. So why is a laboratory fun for me now? (Because if it ain't fun, I don't want to do it.) Well, first of all, I want to pronounce it La-BORE-a-tory. That makes it more fun. Of course, I still know what the end result is going to be. Perhaps it's fun now because seeing how it unfolds in real life is interesting and exciting. And because I actually want the object of my desire vs in chem class when I really could care less what those compounds did.

(She's funny, too.)

You can find her blog here: Manifest Laboratory

You go, Terri.

2008-08-29T09:01:00.001-07:00

Resident Duties...

My flash story about the Fountain of Youth went live at Every Day Fiction today. Again, it's an experiment.

I love The Epic of Gilgamesh. I know, it's incomplete, and to a lot of people, boring. But I'm very interested in the surrounding history of the world's first "fiction". I have several stories, and story ideas, based in the most ancient of Ancient Worlds. Resident Duties is one.

I want to see what we've missed in those stories. I want to see who knows those stories, and what they've got to say about my interpretation of them. I want to see if I can get to the root of all tales, flesh out what makes them tales, and expound upon them.

So please stop by and give my Gilgamesh story a read. As always, please leave a comment, and click a star to tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading!

2008-08-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

I chatted with someone famous yesterday...

Famous and very successful in his field. Which happens to be my field.

Have you ever talked to someone who's made it, and gotten sound, unabashed advice that you just know will change your life forever?

That's what happened yesterday.

See, there's this writer who's books I love. He's hilarious and smart and crazy (good crazy). Lots of people love his books. That's why he's famous.

Anyway, yesterday I found that he and I had included in recent stories the same strange idea (Something that's not at all uncommon in this business of writing. Once you start talking to other writers, you find out that a lot of the time, you're working on very similar things.) And I off-handedly wrote him an email talking about it. I told him no one was buying my story and marveled at how his was most likely sold before he began writing it. I didn't expect him to answer me.

But he did.

He told me stuff that I needed to know about what I'm doing with my writing career. Really smart stuff. He basically told me how to go about becoming successful. He was totally cool about it, too. Not a single condescending word. He gave me succinct, direct advice. Something that, coming from him, I'll listen to.

And so.

I've decided to finish the novel I was working on two years ago when I thought I should start selling short stories to build up a fanbase and a platform and develop a name for myself and all that stuff I thought I should do. I'm going to give short stories a rest. I'm sure a flash or two will work their way into life, but the majority of my time will now go toward finishing that book.

I have some short stories out there in circulation.

I have some that never sold. I think I'll leave them alone for a while.

Here's what I plan to do now: Finish my humorous urban fantasy novel. Find an agent based on my novel's greatness. Get it published. (While that's happening, write another. Then another.) Make a living. Become famous. Make a fabulous living. No more small dreams.

Encouragement is welcome.

Discouragement will be ignored.

THANK YOU, famous, successful writer. You'll get a signed copy of my first novel. Hell, you'll be in the acknowledgements, for sure.

THANK YOU to the two years I spent honing my writing, getting my chops. Thank you to all the stories that sold, and all the ones that will stay saved until after I've got some books out there across the world.

THANK YOU to all the stories in my head that would have been shorts, but will now be novels, or at least bits of them.

THANK YOU.

2008-08-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

Submission, Submission

I'm beginning to believe I'm actually an odd sort of writer. (have you all finished laughing?)

We all know I'm odd, stop already.

What I mean is this: I'm learning that a lot of writers really work at writing. I don't mean the business of writing, I work at that. I'm talking about the actual sitting down and writing part of it.

IF I have a day, or half a day, or a couple of minutes while water starts to boil, and I have something to write, I sit down and write it.

I honestly think most of my stories are written long before I write them. Like, they're all just swimming in my mind--written, edited just right, with all the characters developed, their worlds just tangible enough to convince us that it all just might be real.

A great deal of the time, when I have the beginning of a story--the first line or few--bubbling at my fingertips, I have absolutely no idea where it's going. Sometimes I don't know what's going to happen until the very end of writing it. I sit, and write, and most times I'm completely surprised. Sometimes I have a whole story in my head and I just have to type it out. But really, a lot of the time I don't know what the twist is, or where the characters are headed.

I'm learning that this isn't the case with a lot of writers. They plan, and deliberate, and plot.

I'm not at all knocking anyone's creative process. I think that if a writer is working really hard at telling their story, and they tell it, and sell it, then they must be doing something right. I'm not anti-plotting. I'm just noticing that I don't do that.

Here's the rub: Apparently, at a certain point in my pre-written tales, I go boring. I'm starting to think that that's the part I am thinking about. I wrote a novel a long time back. The stories were there, and they absolutely wrote themselves. But I know the beast needs editing. It needs 20,000 words worth of editing. Maybe 40. And I'm sure my writing has improved since I wrote it. And now, having learned, I'll bet that 20-40 thousand word edit is going to involve deleting all the boring stuff.

So I'm wondering: Is it because I don't start out knowing the whole story? Is it that whoever originally writes those stories and sticks them in my head is a bit tedious? Should I be plotting and planning more? Can I?

Another sort of example: I ran across an anthology being built by Permuted Press. I found the call for submissions on the third of August. Subs opened on the first and close on the thirty-first. I thought, "I can write a rad zombie story for that, I'm in the mood."

I opened a new document and the first line flew from my fingers. In a moment I knew all the characters, their day-to-day, and reasons to be. But it wasn't until the final scene that I knew the whole story. Once I wrote that, I went back to check and see if I'd done what my dear friend Gay told me needs to be done in a story. Mostly, I had. There's a few things missing from her list of what makes a story, but a lot is there. Without thinking about it.

So now I'm wondering, did I absorb the stuff Gay taught me about the mechanics of a story and apply them as I wrote unconsciously? Am I editing that astral writer with his touch of boring without thinking about it? Because I sent the story to a fellow writer (M.) who really loved it. And I think it's pdg myself. It's got the elements of a story, it's got a great deal of what the characters need to be characters. It's got misdirection, and justification, and all the stuff that will hopefully keep a reader's attention. I didn't try to do it as I wrote it. I just wrote it like I always do, but it came out without the boring exposition and philosophic meanderings. But all that stuff is still there.

I told you, I think I'm odd.

I'm on the edge about this submission. It's some sort of mutation. We'll see if it sticks.

I have another zombie story (I know, I'm late with the zombs, but that's what's coming out lately) that's searching for a home. It took a while to decide where to send it. It's been done for two weeks. I sent it yesterday. If this mag doesn't buy it, I'm not sure where I'll go with it. Who publishes funny zombie stories? (you're laughing again, aren't you?)

So, what do you think? Am I the odd writer? Do you all plot each scene as you go, develop characters manually, outline, and think ahead? Is it hurting me that I don't? Do I need to do more of that as I go, or can it be edited in later? I know firsthand how hard that is. I'm working on two stories with a big dose of boring in the middle, trying to add plot points and backstory without killing the action. Trying to rearrange sections, scenes, and subplots. It's a bitch.

Is that what I'm missing, though? Is writing a bitch and I'm just tra-la-la-typing a great mound of shlock that could otherwise be literature? Or at least a good shoot-em-up sci-fi-western-fantasy?

Sorry to involve you in all this.

Thanks for reading.

Have rad days.

2008-07-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

I Was Tagged and Didn't Be It

For a really long time. I guess I suck at playing this game.

My friend Gay tagged me with this thing a while ago, and I forgot about it until I was reading her blog just now.

Gay rules, btw. She spent HOURS on the phone with me a couple of days ago to help me with my writing. She told me a great deal of great information. I just have to assimilate it all. I'm taking her advice because I think she's a tremendously talented writer. Her blog is listed in my links section. You can find her writing pretty easily.

Anyway, I've never actually played when I've been tagged. But today Zane is playing upstairs. He's being Spiderman and he has to "hang out with his chicks". His chicks include Wonder Woman, Starfire, Raven, "the Ice Girl", Lava Girl, and whoever else he stumbles across during the day who's cute. Sometimes the chicks get kidnapped and he has to save them. Sometimes one or more of them is upset because something happened in their family. Like, Raven was just crying because her dog was lost. The Ice Girl was just back from the hospital the other day, crying because her dad was sick. He cuddles them. Once he made out with Starfire. I asked him where he learned "make out"--his cousin. A year older--that much wiser. When I asked him what making out was, Zane said, "It's just kissing. Some people call it making out."

Ah, the joys of three-year-olds.

So here's my answers to being tagged:

1. What were you doing ten years ago?

In July of 1998, I was a professional psychic. I had an office with a regular clientele. I taught classes and workshops on how to access the mind, speak with cells, manipulate reality, heal people--stuff like that. My son Caspian was six months old. I spent long amounts of time in the mountains during the summer (four or five day stretches) exploring ghost towns and uncovering treasures from 120-year-old garbage dumps. I was more naive than I am today, even after having finally settled down from a ten-year, cross-country learning experience I like to call, "after highschool". I learned a lot ten years ago. I'm finally ready to apply it to life today.

2. What five things are on your "to do list" today?

I hate to do lists. I have to clean the bathroom today. I want to go over our address a few times with Zane--oh here's an opportunity-- He does so good! We have to go to the grocery store. I totally don't want to. In order to do that I have to take a shower. I need to do the dishes and cook dinner tonight. That's six. I'm an over-acheiver. See? I don't need lists.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?

This is interesting. My wife and I are playing a game where we have an imaginary bank account. It's to help us feel like we've got all we need, and that we can get the things we want. It's pretty freakin' fun. Terri does it more than me, but I chime in with donating money to friends, and building green houses, and setting up a real estate company to acquire houses near us, move them to give us great garden and yard space, and rent them out somewhere else.

I'd give fifty to a hundred grand to a long list of my friends. I'd donate millions to space exploration. Millions to renuable energy resources. Millions to save the Earth.

I'd set up a modest sustainable community near where I live now, invite artists and architects to come and build something worthwhile and then live there.

I'd buy music lessons for all of my family (or wrangle some out of some of the rad musicians that would come live in our community).

I'd see Machu Picchu and go back to St. Lucia for a month.

I'd put whatever was left into whatever would make some money, and keep it generating. Invest it in our community's projects like organic gardens, our winery and artwork.

I'd spend the rest of my days doing exactly what I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it and let the rest of my family do that, too. I'd write, and play, and love, and dance dance dance. And grow herbs and make concoctions from them.

Funny, I'm listening to my music player on a random mix, and the song, For the Love of Money just came on. You know it... "Money money money money... MONEY!" It's comin' to me now, I feel it.

4. List the places you have lived.

Yikes. I'll try. California, Puerto Rico, New York, California, Idaho, Texas, Washington, Idaho, New York, Idaho, Colorado, Idaho, Michigan, Illinois, Idaho, Wisconsin, Washington. I think. Several places in Idaho, two or three different spots in NY, and two places in WA. I like where I am now the best out of all of 'em.

5. List the jobs you have had.

Ha hahaahaha! Seriously? Good gawd, there's no way I can remember all my jobs. I was a lot-boy, a bus-boy, a bag-boy, an assistant industrial radiologist, a darkroom technician, a janitor, a nanny, a QA inspector. I've worked in shipping and recieving, construction, manufacturing, and the service industry. I was a pro-psychic. I am a pro-writer. I can finish concrete, and I'm a professional painter. I was a forest fire lookout--I lived in a tower on top of a mountain all by myself for five months. I've shoveled cottage cheese, dirt, and shit. I've panhandled, and that's the least of the nefarious trades in which I engaged in my daring youth. I lived off unemployment for over a year. I tried being a professional student, but only got two years into that before the rest of my life fell apart and I changed completely. I'm a househusband, too.

There's an off-the-top-of-my-head list. There's much, much more.

6. List the people you'd like to know more about.

Hmmm... Nicola Tesla. Uma Thurman. Gay Degani. Enki. George Lucas. Prince.

There's probably a lot more people I'd like to know more about out there. Those people came to mind.

So there ya go, Gay and the rest of you. I was tagged, and I played. It's most likely because it was only six questions long.

Actually, it was pretty fun to do. Now I may tag someone else....

2008-07-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

It's Nearing the End

Of July.

It may seem, if you follow my online life, that I've been doing nothing this month. I mean, take this blog--the last post was at the beginning of July. Obviously, some time has passed in the online world, and this blog, for one thing, has nothing to show that I've even been here. It's because I haven't been.

I'm not much of a sun-person. Don't get me wrong, I love the sun. I literally worship it. But its effects, like all good things, hurt me in big doses. While I've been known to be less affected by things like pain-killers and cocaine, the sun affects me more than it does most other people. It burns the crap out of me. Quickly.

So I do my best to take it in in small doses. I tend to like to live where there are short summers. Moving to the Pacific Northwest was actually very obvious a choice for me to make. It just took me a long time to get here.

I like overcast. I like it a lot.

However, I'm learning that I like to be outside for the times when it's not. I'm digging the sunburn while it's hot enough to do it. And so, when Zane says, "Daddy, let's go play outside." I rarely say no.

That's where I've been. Outside. Lovin' it. And play is productive.

I thought I'd show you what we've been up to out there:

We make symbolistic chalk drawings and lie under them for strange photos.

We look at lavender and pink interlopers.

I build this wall here. It's getting taller. It's taken a year. It's actually a foot taller than in this pic now, and that bench over there is done. Looks rad, too. And it's comfy.

Today we went to the beach to look for cool stones. We'll put them in the secret pathway after nap-time.

I spent a couple minutes teaching Zane the basics of golf. I call this photo: Keep Your Left Arm Straight.

I take pictures of spider webs.

Terri hangs out on the porch.

Luke lies around.

I break unbreakable tools. Yeah, I don't know what's up with that. Terri hates it. It gets expensive.

So that's what I've been up to. I've been editing a little story I love more and more about a girl and her zombies. Everyone loves zombies, right? Junie does. And I love Junie. I just don't get to spend a lot of time with her while the sun is shining. But who does, really?

Sunlight hurts me. It's so true I made up a t-shirt that says so.

But I like it in these small doses.

2008-07-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

So this is interesting:

For quite some time now--at least two years--I've been selling t-shirts that say, My red hair gives me super powers. Cute, yes. True, too. I made them up when I learned that redheads have a higher tolerance for pain than the rest of the hair-colored people out there.

So for a couple of years, I've been selling them. And they sell well. I've sold quite a few of them.

Here's what I'm finding. A lot of people google that phrase now to find my shirts. A LOT.

That means there's a lot of those shirts floating around out there.

So how about this:

Send me pics of you in that shirt!

I know, what are the chances that you've both bought my shirt, and are reading this blog entry, right? Ya never know, ya never know.

So if you have one of those shirts at home, or if you've got a sticker, mug, button, pin, mousepad, or something that says my red hair gives me super powers, send a pic along and I'll start a gallery here or something. Comment on this thread, and I'll tell you where to send it.

I'm curious to see how many years it'll take to get a pic. Google away, my fellow red haired googlers!

2008-07-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday at the Disco

It's Sunday morning, and I've only had a few sips of coffee. Don't worry, by the time I'm done with this, it will have been a couple of cups, and by the end of this entry, things should make sense.

(If you were with me during my year of bedhead, then you know what I'm like first thing in the morning.)

I probably won't really take long enough for more than this cup to go down. And it's going down fast. I just really want to make one quick announcement.

Every Day Fiction, that lovely zine I speak of so oft, has published my story, To Save the Disco. It's an all-dialogue fantasy comedy. Do you like Narwhals? Who doesn't, right? I know one guy who doesn't like them anymore.

Read why here: To Save the Disco

Please give it a read if you've got a few minutes. It's really short. As always you can rate it, and comment about it. I love that part.

Have a great Sunday.

(Not even a whole cup.)

2008-07-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Kit-Kats, Rootbeer, and a Lightning Storm

Being fairly new to living in the Pacific Northwest, I was surprised to learn tonight that the amazing thunderstorm going on near the horizon (translate that--over Tacoma) is an ultra-rare occurrence here. The dude on the news said people were telling him they hadn't seen lightning like this in five or six years. (Okay, it's already urban-myth. Nevermind.)

I haven't been inside eating Kit-Kats and drinking rootbeer for the entire storm. In fact, I'll go back out and watch the fireworks in just a moment. Maybe the title of this should include "Smokes on the Porch". Naw, it's long enough.

I just had to come in to thank Withersin for accepting another story of mine. I'm excited to say that my short story, Sculpting, is forthcoming in their wickedly excellent magazine.

If you've got a taste for quality, unique, truly interesting fiction and non, give Withersin a read. You'll like it. I love it. I'm happy to be included in its sinister pages.

My story, Red and Black, will appear in Withersin this fall in their issue Bone 2.2 So far that's coming in late October. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll talk about it when it's closer to Autumn.

Thank you, Withersin!

In other news, I fixed-up my myspace page today. I like it better this way. Come by and say hi---> Mymyspace

Happy Explosives in the Hands of Idiots Day!

2008-06-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

Holy Guacamole, it's Damned Near July!

What happened to June? I guess I wasn't paying attention.

Here's me, and some of the distractions of the month.

I'm sure you can see why the month just flew by. I didn't even post pics of all the ding-dangled kids I've had running around the yard.

Love our flowers. Love 'em.

So, it being just about July, Every Day Fiction's Table of Contents has been posted.

My story, To Save the Disco, comes out on the sixth. I really had a great time writing it--it's all dialogue and totally crazy. I hope everyone has as much fun reading it as I did writing it. It comes out on a Sunday, so I know a lot of you will be away from your computers, but please do read it on Monday. As always, comments are greatly appreciated. You're all helping me write better!

Here's July's ToC at Every Day Fiction--new writers and the returns of many established EDF greats:

July’s Table of Contents

July 1 Sarah Black Wood from the River
July 2 Alex Watson Beloaralsk
July 3 Alex Moisi Garden Furniture and the Apocalypse
July 4 DJ Barber The First Fourth
July 5 K.C. Ball The Mixture
July 6 Kevin Shamel To Save the Disco
July 7 Milan Smith A Bad Day Got Better
July 8 Sarah Hilary Post-Apoc Play (in beta)
July 9 Brian Dolton If We Were Briar Roses
July 10 Kim McDougall Touched
July 11 B. Teuscher Rain
July 12 Kathleen Mack One Toke Over
July 13 A.C. Wise The Chupacabra in Love
July 14 David Macpherson Forbidden Planet
July 15 Peter Tupper Sparkers
July 16 Oonah V Joslin Division
July 17 Edward Caputo Gruff
July 18 Venkatesh Vedam Hello
July 19 Allison Sherman Garden of Promises
July 20 Bill Ward Gandolo of the Watchful Eye
July 21 Nicholas Ozment The Only Difference Between Men and Boys…
July 22 Carlos Navarro The Killer Fog
July 23 Nick Logan The Next Move
July 24 Bill West Eternity
July 25 Scott M. Sandridge Sleep Paralysis
July 26 Joanna M. Weston The Train
July 27 Frank Roger Hellish Paradise
July 28 Jonathan Pinnock Cock Up
July 29 Megan Arkenberg The Soucouyant
July 30 Madeline Mora-Summonte A Quarter For Your Thoughts
July 31 Amy Sisson The Lion Tamer’s Sock

Thanks for reading! Maybe I'll actually check-in during July...

2008-06-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

Table of Contents and What's That? Podcasts?

Okay, so Every Day Fiction has pretty much rocked since its inception. I stumbled upon it not long after its launch, and I've been very impressed with the zine, and happy to be a part of it.

Well, it seems I'll be even more a part of it. I'll be working with EDF to compile, edit, and publish podcasts of the stories they publish there. I'm very excited about it. It's all just in the works for now, and I'm not sure when the podcasts will launch, but I'm absolutely thrilled to be a part of it. I even get to do podcasts!

Here's the ToC at EDF for June. I've got one coming out on the 19th. It's called, Mail. Hope you get a chance to read it.

June’s Table of Contents

June 1 Brian Dolton The Gray World
June 2 Greg Likins Cavedweller 2.0
June 3 Tels Merrick Say It With Flowers
June 4 R. L. Copple The Captain’s Chair
June 5 Catherine J Gardner Burying Sam
June 6 Gay Degani Spring Melt
June 7 Margaret B. Davidson Homecoming
June 8 Harold N. Walters Stumped
June 9 Ann Wilkes The Heist
June 10 Sylvia Spruck Wrigley Listen
June 11 Nick Logan Desert Island Solitaire, or, A Good Cigar Is A Smoke
June 12 Lee Beavington Second Opinion
June 13 Bill Ward Junkyard Rats
June 14 Jennifer Tatroe When She Comes to It
June 15 Gianna De Persiis Vona Sacrifice
June 16 Madeline Mora-Summonte The Salute of the Old And Crotchety
June 17 Rosie de la Mare A Moment
June 18 Nicola Horn The End
June 19 Kevin Shamel Mail
June 20 Milton T. Burton The Watchers
June 21 Chaz Siu Prodigal Piano
June 22 Oonah V Joslin Missy’s Summer
June 23 Sarah Hilary Waste of Space
June 24 Andrew Males Mars Ascent
June 25 Mark Ward The Devil and the Details
June 26 Jason Stout Larry Legend
June 27 Frank Roger The End of Time
June 28 Kurt Rice A Legacy of War
June 29 Gustavo Bondoni Virtuoso
June 30 Harley Crowley There When You Need Them

2008-05-06T08:32:00.001-07:00

Oh, The Horror of it All....

Today my story, The Hero and the Horror appears at Every Day Fiction. It's a fun little story that people seem to like. Maybe you will. Please check it out if you get a chance.

In other writing news, EDF has given me an author forum at their forums. This is a place for people to come and talk to me about stuff. If you've got some stuff to talk to me about, please come by and do so.

AND Every Day Fiction has agreed to publish two more of my flash stories. Be on the lookout for Mail, and To Save the Disco, which will be coming along in the next couple of months. I'm writing a lot of flash lately, and I'll have more to send to EDF soon. My goal is a solid year of monthly stories there. We'll see how I do. Seven so far...

Thanks for reading, everyone. Have a great day.

2008-05-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Was May Day!

I'm a sucker for the ancient "pagan" holidays. The newish paganish holidays, too. (April 20th is a good example of those.) But yesterday was May Day, and that's an awesome day. Usually I bake a loaf of bread for the occassion, but I haven't had time or energy the past few days for May Day preparation.

So I started the day with my traditional coffee and cigarette on the porch in the sun, and thanked the world for Spring. I imagined May Poles, and Wicker Men, virgins in white gowns with flowers, Pan, and some heathery highlands. I used my tobacco like it should be used. I took love from the sun (and gave some back) and thanked it for tending to its system. I thanked the Earth for maintaining life. It's pretty much my typical "thank you for this day and its blessings" ritual, but with a little extra, "THANK YOU for renewal."

Yesterday was a good day.

The table of contents came out at Every Day Fiction:

May's Table of Contents

May 1 Gianna De Persiis Vona Pink Taffeta
May 2 Mark Dalligan Alone
May 3 Oonah V Joslin The Heron
May 4 Patrice Horwitz A Present Past
May 5 Nicholas Ozment The Man Who Loved Squirrels
May 6 Kevin Shamel The Hero and The Horror
May 7 Angela Carlton The Beach Cottage
May 8 Bill West Winding Down to Retirement
May 9 Rachel Green Coming of Age
May 10 Ty Johnston The Note
May 11 Diane D. Gillette Wilted Blossoms
May 12 Frank Roger Working Like A Dog
May 13 William I Lengeman III The Day Michael Flew
May 14 Brett J Cryer Can You Dig It?
May 15 Melissa A. Bartell Waspish
May 16 Heather Kuehl Fire and Brimstone
May 17 Greta Igl The Burning Black
May 18 K.J. Young Paroxysm No More
May 19 Gustavo Bondoni In Search of the Bush
May 20 Bill Ward Priority Won
May 21 Kim McDougall Twenty-five Prayers
May 22 Alexander Burns Aftershocks
May 23 Ryan P. Standley Final Moments
May 24 James C. Clar A Casualty of the Truth
May 25 David Macpherson A Walk in the Cities
May 26 L.E. Elder The Hit
May 27 Joel Willans One Bright Moment
May 28 Vijayendra Mohanty Arrow’s Way
May 29 Hasmita Chander A Dog’s Life
May 30 Deven D Atkinson All That Glitters
May 31 Sarah Hilary Mug’s Game

AND....

Every Day Fiction gave me my own Author's Forum! Isn't that just the coolest thing? It's a place where people can talk to me about the stories they've read. I'm sure it'll be more than that, but so far, that's what I've thought about. I love it. THANK YOU to EDF for this opportunity. You can see it here: Kevin Shamel's Forum. Please come and talk to me about what you've read.

Yay for May Day!

2008-04-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

It's Snowing.

Not that it's any big deal to some of you. But Spring had already poked its head out of the clouds, and all our flowers are blooming, and now snow is blanketing everything.

My friend was just here, she managed to make it back to the rocking and rolling Midwest before the storm. From unSpringish weather to an earthquake zone. Careful Linds!!

See? It's really snowing. Can't freakin' believe it...

In other news, Every Day Fiction has accepted two more stories from me! Be on the lookout for The Hero and the Horror and Mail, a couple flash tales that I love and editors like enough to publish.

Enjoy your day. Hope it isn't snowing on you!

2008-04-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

You Know It's Spring When Giant Salmon Park Outside Your House

At least that's what I've heard.

Today was our first absolutely perfect spring day. I took care of most of the yard work yesterday--mowed the lawns (saving the dandelions),did some dead-heading (but not like I did in the early 90's), gathered leaves from the flower beds and used them in the compost pile, roped up the sagging butterfly bush of phenomenal proportion, and generally made stuff look nice. So today, when the sun really got going, it was a perfect day for playing outside.

The kids and I were out at around 11 this morning. One of our neighbors strolled by with her two boys. We started talking about the giant fish parked one house over from ours. Three people came walking by, wearing big smiles. They said hello, and asked how we were doing, and were generally happy-seeming, cool, walking-by folk. And they headed straight for the fish.

Well, a giant fish parked in front of the house is one thing. But seeing the people who are with the fish walk up and begin interacting with the fish is a different story. We all walked over. Drawn to the fish.

The fish is named FIN. He's a salmon.

I didn't catch the names of the people traveling with FIN (I'm Kevin, btw). But this is the three of them. I didn't have a lot of time for talking. You see, not only is the giant salmon a giant salmon, but it's a giant salmon that you can get inside. As soon as we found that out, things were a little crazy.

I did manage to find out the important stuff. Like why these three are driving around with a giant salmon behind them.

(click the pic to go to their site!)

These three travelers towing FIN are part of (or perhaps all of, I've not gotten all the nitty gritty) a team called, Save Our Wild Salmon Road Show 2008. They're raising awareness about these four dams along the Snake River that are really messing things up for the salmon. The four lower dams of the Snake are not only wiping out the salmon populations upstream from them, but could pose a threat to the environment in general. I'm so glad FIN parked where he did today.

Having a giant fish that your kids can climb into show up in front of your house is cool, and interesting. Finding out that the giant fish is driving to Washington D.C. to talk to people about these four dams that are destroying salmon populations is even more cool and interesting. Then discovering that these four dams are on a river that has been a part of your life since young childhood is the coolest and most interesting thing about a giant salmon parked outside that there could be.

I quite literally grew up beside the Snake River.

I've jumped into that river from railroad trestles and cliff tops, I've rafted it, swam in it, water-skiied on it, picnicked alongside it, fly-fished in it, tubed it, and camped beside it just about everwhere there is to camp beside it in Idaho. I grew up on the Snake. It's an awesome river, running through Wyoming and Idaho, forming much of the border between Oregon and Idaho, and emptying into the Columbia in Washington.

It is the lifeblood of the small desert town where I grew up. Without it, there would be no town there.

It is the lifeblood of many creatures. Certainly for countless salmon. It is their road to their spawning grounds. It's such a difficult road it's proving impossible.

This is an issue I'm familiar with. It's something that needs to be talked about, and considered, and dealt with. We can't stand by and let a species die for no reason other than ignorance, especially because we don't have ignorance to hide behind. Something can be done.

I read on the Road Show's blog today that four sockeye salmon made it to their spawning ground in Redfish Lake, Idaho.

Why do you think the lake is named Redfish?

I knew the caretaker one year at Redfish. I saw the lake like many people don't get to see it. I didn't see it in writhing red waves, I'm sure the lake was named long before people started damming spawning runs, though maybe when my dad was a kid, the salmon were thick enough to fill the water. But I've seen it when it's still. When there are no humans shouting about its shores, or yelling across its skin.

It is still pristine on the surface. Obviously, it is horribly awry beneath its reflection of the sky.

I can't believe so few fish made it home to a lake named for them. It's more than disgusting.

Show your support for the salmon. Check out their sites and see what you can do.

If you see FIN driving by, give them a wave. If you see them stopped somewhere, be sure and talk to them. Sign their petition. I'm glad I did. I'm sure my neighbors are, too. Nothing draws a crowd like a giant fish in the neighborhood.

Thanks for raising my awareness, Save Our Wild Salmon People. Thank you for doing this for the fish. And thanks for putting up with my crying child, who really, really misses the fish.

Happy Good Journey!

Save the Salmon.

2008-04-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Monday Mornings Do Not Suck

I love today already. I slept-in until nearly 9AM! Yeah, I know, all you childless, jobless youngins or oldens out there are saying, "Big deal." All you parents of toddling critters know what I'm talkin' about.

So I got out of bed to the smell of coffee. Watched my wife and littlest critter drive away to my wife's appointment this morning. My ten-year-old awoke with me. The dog was still in bed.

Had a cuppa (thank you, Terri! How cool to let me sleep, AND make coffee) and came up here to my computer.

Opened my mail to find a couple of more comments on my story from yesterday. They were good ones, and that rocked. Next message was from Every Day Fiction as well. They accepted another story! AND they said the best things they could ever say to me about it, and my writing in general.

Jordan and Camille (EDF's editors extraordinaire) have been very good to me. Today they are the best to me, and they've become my favorite.

2008-04-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Oh Maaaaaannn....

I just finished writing a most satisfying story. One of my favorite things I've written in a while. (I know, that sounds lame, doesn't it? Hell, it's true, and there's no other way to say it.) It's cracking me up so much. It's a little controversial, but I'm not sure if it's too much so.

I had to send it to my friend Curtis. He's a fantastic writer that I met when he was my manager at a restaurant in Milwaukee. He's also an English teacher. Now he's working at a winery in the Napa valley. Lucky. I think he's the best person to read it right away. I have to have someone read it right now. There's lots of someones to read it, I just know that Curtis will. And with a trained eye.

Having him read it will be as satisfying as it can get right now. My wife likes it, and surely gets it, and that is satisfying--she's a writer, too--smart, my editor, an opinion I trust and rely on (most times)--but she has to live with me, and I read her a lot of my stuff, and she reads a lot of it, and doesn't read a lot of it, and you know how it is when someone who loves you reads your stuff... We need other opinions sometimes, too. So my wife liking it is satisfying, certainly, but only to a point.

I have to wait for those wonderful editors of fabulous flash fiction at EDF to wade through the slush to get to it, after, of course, they've made a decision on one of the three stories I already have submitted there, before it can be a truly satisfying ending to the joy of writing it.

For now, my hopes are on Curtis.

Unfortunately, he may actually be on the road from Milwaukee to California right now. If that's the case, I doubt he'll have time to read it. Maybe. Five minutes. Maybe at a rest area, or in the airport, or somewhere anyway, however he's traveling. It's like having an itch I can't scratch. Hurry, Curtis! Hurry!

2008-04-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

Show Me Brave

My flash fiction piece, Show Me Brave, is live at Every Day Fiction today.

Please stop by and give it a read.

It's my fourth story to appear there--THANK YOU EDF!--and it's one I really like. It's nothing like most of my writing. Not a single drop of blood, no time-travel, aliens, or freaky bugs. It's all romantic and stuff. It's a different direction for me, and not one I'll likely take often. We'll see what you all think of it.

If you do go and read it, please leave a comment, and give it a rating. I absolutely love that Every Day Fiction allows that. It's great to get such an amount of immediate feedback about my stories.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Sun Day.

2008-04-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

World Building Falls by the Wayside

Three-year-old and wife's work conspire to destroy planet before it's even built!

Sadly, the world and all its people, plants, and animals will have to wait for their global conflict until there's at least a globe planned out.

The trials and tribulations of writing while keeping house.

Now, we know that all boys dream of growing up to be supported by their wives while they wile away their time, plinking at keyboards, jostling joysticks (oh, MAN, dating myself and also unabashedly alluding to what men do in their free-time!), and creating culinary masterpieces for the family dinner hour.

But boys, being the old fashioned house husband isn't all it's cracked-up to be.

I've got a loose schedule worked out, around my wife's work schedule. As it is, it's not at all my ideal schedule.

Ideally, I'd wake up around 10 or 11 AM, drink a pot of coffee, and write until the afternoon. Then I'd go outside and make the yard pretty, take photos of spiders, build a wall or the raised garden that I need to build, mess with the composting, chat with neighbors, and go on some walks. Then I'd come back in, play with the kids, and eat something that tastes great and feels good that I don't have to prepare. Then I'd watch some recorded BSG or Lost or something, and go back to writing. Someone would bring me chocolate and coffee. (Okay, if we're talking ideals here, my wife would bring me coffee and she would be wearing short-shorts.) I'd write until the kids' bedtime, give 'em hugs and such, eat some chocolate, and have crazy sex with my wife. Then I'd go back to writing. I'd write until 2 or 3 AM, and go to sleep dreaming about my fictional worlds. The next day I'd wake up and do it all again. Not every day would be like that, of course, there would be days to go to the mountains or the beach, days to sit on the porch and drink wine, and days where the kids and I spent the whole day covered in paint in our giant art studio that's never used for storage, and days when I had to get up early to be on Good Morning America, or have to catch a chartered jet to someplace like St. Lucia. Ah, hell, it's ideal day, right? We freakin' live in St. Lucia. Or teleporters have been invented, and I can just go wherever I want when I feel like it. Mostly, I would write. Or world-build.

I would not get up at 7 AM to get the oldest ready for school. I especially would not answer the phone that early and then wake my wife so her boss can tell her that she has to come in three hours early that day. Because that ruins everything. That's three hours of politics, or weather patterns, or naming that thing in the solar system that's just like the Kuiper Belt, but isn't the Kuiper Belt because it's twenty thousand years from now, and millions upon millions of miles away.

Alas, this is all material for the world I wish to build, and therefore, I am apparently building it, though it seems that I'm actually helping the three-year-old build rattles, hammers, and space ships out of blocks and yelling at him to stop running down the hall and stay away from the stairs, while listening the the Backyardigans sing songs about the Lady in Pink and complaining about it all to the world (the one that exists outside my mind).

So now you know.

Boys, take shop class, be woodworkers, mechanics, salesmen, and bankers!

(not really. this isn't so bad.)

2008-04-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Urgh.

I'm world-building.

Anyone who's done that, knows what that does to you. Not only do I have a story writing itself in my head all the ding-dang-day, but I've got the specifics of the world to figure out.

I've drawn a map, even.

I feel like a geek, doing it. I'm labeling things, and placing "cities" and mountains, rivers, lakes, weather patterns, making it all planet-like, and possible. I'm designing its solar system, political systems, technological level, raison d'etre, you know, building a freaking world.

And fitting it all into the story. I know half of the building I do won't even matter. I hope! But it's on my mind, and it's taking shape, and I have to know the why's and what-fors so it makes sense to anyone reading it.

It's a whopper, too. At least three novels out of this story, and with an intro that leads to an unlimited supply of future story-fodder. If I do it well, it could be something quite cool.

Doing it well leads to zoning out, not being able to put together a grocery list, and making my three-year-old play with imaginary Teen Titans instead of me. (Not all the time, just while I'm particularly inside my fake world that's not quite cohesive.)

It's rough. But so fun. And hopefully absolutely worth it.

Anyone else out there building a world?

On a different note, Every Day Fiction put out their table of contents for April last night. My flash piece (I've got time to write those!), Show Me Brave comes out on the sixth. Please to check it out. It's not at all like most of my writing. And I put it in a world that exists here on Earth, one I'm quite familiar with--A Mexican cantina.

I'll post a link to it on the day it's live. I hope you visit.

Have great days.

Here's the ToC for Every Day Fiction this month. For those of you regular readers of the zine, you'll notice a great mix of returning writers and newcomers to EDF. I'm looking forward to some great reading this month.

April’s Table of Contents

Apr 1 Matthew Strada The April Fool
Apr 2 Sarah Wagner April Scabs
Apr 3 Rena Sherwood A Hero For Bobo
Apr 4 Bill Ward An Imperfect Swordsman
Apr 5 H. Earl Wilkinson Style
Apr 6 Kevin Shamel Show Me Brave
Apr 7 Jennifer Tatroe Conversation, 9:04 PM
Apr 8 Katherine Shaw Sick Day
Apr 9 Michael Ehart Without Napier
Apr 10 Ramon Rozas III Raindrops Like Cold Kisses
Apr 11 Sarah Hilary An Angel in a Plane Tree
Apr 12 Robert J. Santa Setting Up Shop in Devil’s Gulch
Apr 13 Mike Whitney The Test
Apr 14 Rhonda Parrish Ironic Angst
Apr 15 Sarah Black Leonidas and the T-Bird
Apr 16 David Beers A Trial by Kiss
Apr 17 Scott M. Sandridge The Philosopher in the Dark
Apr 18 Vrinda Baliga Imprisoned
Apr 19 Michael D Turner I am Tired of Bombs and my Dog is Dead
Apr 20 Angela Carlton The Watered Down Version
Apr 21 Oonah V Joslin The Wisdom of Alcuin
Apr 22 Pamela Tartaglio Photocopies
Apr 23 Celeste Goschen Yardie Girl
Apr 24 Patricia J. Hale Sharp Boundaries
Apr 25 Travis King Edward’s Song
Apr 26 Bill West Pretty as a Picture
Apr 27 Lee Beavington A Fungal Fiend
Apr 28 Frank Roger A Tale of Patricide and Impatience
Apr 29 Jill Barth The Sniper’s Son
Apr 30 Tim Lieder Some Day We’ll Meet

2008-03-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

Greetogs and Salivations.

Just a quick entry to let all my throngs (3 maybe 4) of blog readers know that I've got a new story out today at Every Day Fiction.

Emergency Revival is live today. It's a pulpy science fiction story about a guy named Rye and a gob of nasties. The perils of space-freighting.

I've already learned from it. See, I have this implosion situation in the story that turns out to be not exactly the facts of the matter.

I learned today that if one is exposed to space, they must first explode. You've got to get all those gasses out before the vacuum can get to crinkling you up like an aluminum can. I also learned that humans can live in a vacuum for quite some time--measured in seconds--before their bodies start blowing up. And if you exhale, you'll live longer. People have been exposed to space and lived, and without a lot of damage. Temporary blindness and lots of pain, but continued life. You can read about it here: Exposure to Space

Anyway, check out my story if you'd like, and comment and click stars, and all that. I'd appreciate it.

2008-02-19T08:40:00.000-08:00

Every Day Fiction

EDF is running a story of mine tomorrow, Feb. 20th. You can find it on their front page: Every Day Fiction tomorrow, and after that it'll be archived.

The story is called, We. It's one of my favorites.

Please stop by and give it a read. You can even comment on it, and RATE it. If you're there to read it, I'd truly appreciate you taking the time to rate it--just click some stars and it's done.

Thanks everyone, for reading. Thanks to EDF for publishing my stories.

If you're looking for good, quick fiction, check them out--free subscriptions to your email, even. Every Day Fiction rocks, I read a story every day.

Thanks, everyone!

2008-01-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out how to shrink that myspace video player down there.

So that means I've got to get it down the page and out of the way of my links and such. I don't want to get rid of it...

Since I mentioned that I'd be telling you all more about my adventures with Haggis, I thought I'd best be sure you all know who that is, and how he entered my life.

I'll repost the first blog entry I made about him, years ago, when he found me.

Ah, the internet...

So here's how the whole Haggis experience began. There's no end in sight.

From the blog at my website:
~~~~~~

2005-05-14

Haggis

DAY: Saturday
WEATHER: Breezy and cool
ATTITUDE: lazy
DAYS WEARING SAME CLOTHES: 2
SITCOM IDEA: “Transforming Tulsa”--Two high school lovers reunite fifteen years after graduation when one answers the other’s ‘roommate wanted’ ad. Each of them has had a sex change. For the first season, the sexual tension between them provides the laughs. After that the format changes, they get married, and the show becomes more like ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. They’re also both interior designers. On TV.
CARTOON CHARACTER OTD: Brak
WISH FOR THE WEEK: That I had an unending supply of miniature Mounds candy.
NUMBER OF WILD CHICKENS IN THE YARD: 0

Having this website is already proving to be very interesting. Not just because I can see where everyone who visits comes from, either. I’ve been reuniting with old friends, getting mail from like-minded people, and it seems, meeting distant relatives.
This morning I received an email from some sort of cousin of mine. It’s hard to make sense of exactly how we’re related, and to tell truth, I can’t figure it out. But he’s got it all plotted.
It’s pretty exciting, meeting someone related so distantly. Part of my blood is in his, on another continent, living a completely different life. It’s also a little bit weird.
I’ll just let you read the email, and you’ll see for yourself why I say that. I’m not sure what’s going to come of all this. I’ll keep you posted. It sounds like it could make for some blog entries. Okay, here’s the email:
“Dear Master Kevin Shamel,
Hello. I am writing to you from the website I found by typing in my last name. Your website! The website you made!!
Isn’t this crazy? I live all the way here, and your so farrrrr over there? I’m in Scotland. You’re in the States. Isn’t it crazy?
So My name is Haggis. That’s my first name. My last name is Shamel, like yours. Well, it’s MacShamel, because I’m Scottish, but it means Shamel in American. Like I said, I typed in my name, and that’s how I found your website. Which I really like a great deal. I’m a man who fancies myself as a man with the abilities to put the wonderous ideas of my imagination filled fanciful mind into words and song just like you are a man who also does things like that which I just said, like the fancying fanciful fancies, in this very sentence. (see? were both Writers!
But I digress. My name is Haggis. I’m from the smallest village in the entire country of Scotland, Puddle. Yeah, it’s a dumb name, especially for being the smallest village and all, but it’s where I was born.
I don’t live there now, though. Else there’s no way I could be writing to you over the airwaves like this. There’s no computers in Puddle.
But anyway, we’re cousins! Yes, it’s true. Heres hoow I’ve got it worked out. Your dad’s dad came from Scotland, named Shamus MacShamel. His father was Sean “Meatpie” MacShamel. His father was William Haggis MacShamel, the great sheep-shearer, Who’s father was Johannes Shamel who changed his name when he moved to Scotland. Apparently he was some sort of mad scientist from Germany.
My grandmother was married to your great-great grandfather for a brief time, whereby thirteen children were born. One of those thirteen children was my father, Haggis William MacShamel. We’re cousins!
I’ve been saving my money for a very long time to come and visit the States. Everyone here hates the States, because we know all of you are plastic-surgery freaks, egocentric fear-ruled commercial slaves, and uncaring shitheads all in all, but now that I know I have family there, I’m coming to visit.
Do they have sheep-shear-the-beer there? Friday nights would be sad without it. If not, take me to your corner pub, bring two sheep, and I’ll teach you lads the oldest game in Puddle. But I don’t live in Puddle anymore, just remember that. I live in a much bigger town now. With my totally hot cousin Jane. She’s got to be YOUR cousin too. I’ll check out the geneology on that.
Ok Write me back. When is the best time to visit Milwaukee? Is Milwuakee near Hollywood? Could you mention me on your website?
See you soon!

Lvoe,
Haggis”

So as I was saying, having this website is already turning out to be very interesting. I can’t wait to see what’s next. Any other family out there?
Send me ridiculous questions!!
I must reply to Haggis now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

2005-05-19

Sorry, Haggis

DAY: Thursday
WEATHER: Raining
ATTITUDE: Happy
DAYS WEARING SAME CLOTHES: 2
SITCOM IDEA: “Days of the Dead”—A show about a working-class family of the undead. Make it a ‘Blossom’ sort of thing, with a dash of ‘My Two Dads’, or ‘Full House’. Yes! Make it JUST like ‘Full House’, but with the twins all grown-up and super sexy-dead.
CARTOON CHARACTER OTD: Timmy Turner
WISH FOR THE WEEK: That Anthony Michael Hall would buy one of my “My Robot Girlfriend is Such a Bitch” t-shirts, and wear it every day when he finally ends up on “The Surreal World”. (I don’t know where I came up with it…sorry…)
NUMBER OF WILD CHICKENS IN THE YARD: 0

Hooray! In just about an hour and a half I’m going to the airport to pick up my friend Karina. We just spoke on the phone, and realized we haven’t seen each other in seven years or so. That’s a long time to go without seeing your good friend. It’s going to be great.
Since I only have an hour, I’m going to simply cut and paste the email I received after my blog about my cousin, Haggis. Apparently he thought the tone of my blog was not exactly familial. I’ve written an apology, and I believe he’s waiting to see this blog entry before he replies.
So, I’ll let you in on what’s going on, and perhaps after I’m done, my distant cousin in Scotland will reply. Here it is:

“Kevin,

Thank you very much for displaying my letter to you on your website, ya wanker. You made me look like atotal idiot.
I cannot believe you dint edit it before you put it up for the world to see. It’s not like you don’t make mistakes, ya know. I’m not gonna point them all out, each and every single little lousy stinkin’ tipo that you have on your bloody site. But they’re there. Like all your lousy comma mistakes. And how you say the same thing ten times in different ways, and make all your bloody sentences three words long. And that story, Ryan, truly stinks. You suck at writing, but more you suck at editing emails from yer ding dang bloody distant cousin!
When I get to Milwaukee, before I even visit Hollywood, I’m takin you out to the pub, getting you stinkin drunk, dragging your yank ass into an ally, and punchin your liver till you puke-up a cat. Then we can can get to being friends.
And I’m getting there soon. We’re family! you can’t be makin’ me look bad to all these people out there. Family. Don’t you bleedin get that?
Sod off, and I’ll see you soon to straighten you up.

Haggis MacShamel”

So there it is.
But, as I said, I’ve already apologized. I did it days ago. But I’ll do it now, too. Right here, in front of all these people.

~I’m sorry, Haggis, for not editing your email before I posted it. You certainly didn’t need me to make you look like a wanker in front of all these people, I’m sure.~

I’m wondering how many more cousins I have out there…
And when exactly is Haggis arriving?
Maybe he’ll be at the airport this morning, when I pick up Karina. Sometimes the world is mysterious like that, ya know.
I’ll keep you all posted. Especially if I puke-up a cat.
Have some rad moments today.
Say hi to everyone for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And there's more. Much, much more.

He's been after me. Nearly caught me a few times. It's all at my website. Mostly in the entries with Haggis in the title. If you want to catch up, you can find out just how mean and evil this dude has turned out to be.

I have to write soon about the latest atrocity to my person he's committed. Soon.

Anyway, hopefully that video I made is out of the way.
If not, I'll be writing more this afternoon.

2008-01-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

Myspace...

Some love it, some hate it. I like it enough. But I think there's more we can do with it.

Like this:

Picking My Friends (Noses)

Add to My Profile | More Videos

2008-01-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Write? Right.

I thought I should probably do a little updating:

I have a couple stories out there right now, if you care to read them--

"Cats and Dogs and Maybe a Pig", a short story about sex, lust, and animals. (It's nothing gross...) You can find it here, at The Edge of Propinquity. It'll be featured for the month, and then you can find it in the archives. For a year, I do believe.

Every Day Fiction just published a flashy flash (super short) piece of mine called, Haven. It's about a girl and a dragon. It's live today, and then will join the brilliant little bits in the archives. There's a lot of good, quick reading there. I read a story every day from EDF.

For those of you who've been asking, and even for those of you who've not--There are new Haggis episodes coming soon. If you followed the blog from my website and arrived here, and now you're thinking, "Where's all that weird crap about this dude's fake Scottish cousin?" It'll be here soon. He's been up to his old, lame tricks again, I've got adventures to tell.

If you've got something to say about my stories, this is a good place to do it. And I'd really appreciate it.

I'm really, really going to try and keep this blog up better. It's almost a resolution.

Have rad days.

2007-10-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

I Found My Keyboard!

Hey, it's me, Bad Blogger. I've been busy.

Being a housedad is my constant chore, and that when I'm not doing that I've been writing, writing, writing.

Fortunately, that's starting to pay-off. My first published story appeared in issue #2 of All Possible Worlds magazine. Isn't that good news? I'm happy about it, certainly. There is one lil' blemish on the gleaming beamishness of my back-patting jumpy-dance of joy. I killed the magazine.

Yup.

The last story published in APW is called, "Beef". It's written by the new dude. Me. I am its last gasp. Its headstone, obit, final coughing sputter.

Terri says they ended it with a strong story. That it's kinda like an anchor.

I'm going with that most of the time. But I can't help to feel a little weirdish about being the last story of the magazine's life.

Anyway, you can buy the last issue. It's really a good bunch of stories. I've read them all once, and some of them a few times. There are stories by, Edward Morris, David Seigler, JG Faherty, Rachelle Loyear-Williams, Michelle Scott, Geraint D'Arcy, Mary Robinette Kowal, Steve Goble, and me. Every single one is good. I swear. I wish someone would have reviewed this last issue. Many stories in there deserve loud praise. I'm honored to be among such fantastic talent.

The first issue of All Possible Worlds was excellent, too. I really wish the magazine could have made it. I had a subscription.

All right, Dadding calls. Caspian awoke with an itchy rash on his arms and cheeks. Have to see how the Benedryl is faring against whatever's got him aflame.

Check out All Possible Worlds if you're looking for a great mix of science fiction and fantasy, from a great group of writers. And my story's in there, too.

2007-10-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

2007-06-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Alive!

A-live!

I AM a-liiiiive!

I know. Only those of you who get stupid myspace comments, or work at the doctor's or dentist's office REALLY know that I'm alive, but I'm here to tell you that I really, really, am.

This is not my wife typing for me.

This is not the dog or the whale.

It's really me.

I have to go play cars and guys with Zane, so I can't write more, but I thought I'd let you all know that I'm still here, and not dead or undead, but just really busy, a tad antisocial, and also really busy.

I hope, as always, to have more time and energy to write more soon, and I even have stuff to say, and photos to post. So maybe soon. Plus, I'm feeling dorkishly weird, so there may be a video or something working it's way to the surface... we shall see...

Anyhaw, here I is.

Alive.

2007-01-25T14:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am alive...

Do you ever have those times when you're just not online? Or when you're on so rarely that you need to spend the time searching through loads and loads of magazine publishers and trying to match up the stories you have written with just the right editor, the ones with the right amount of words and the element or storyline that the magazine is currently looking for? Or that when you get the time to get to your computer, you spend the precious, puppyless time trying to edit the stories that were most recently rejected into something that some editor of some magazine somewhere (somewhere you have to seek-out) thinks other people might like to read?

Well, those are the times I've been having.

It's not all that weird, it's just what's been going on.

I'm sure I'll have more time soon to write down the things you may want to read. Right now I'm just trying to figure out what that might be.

But don't lose hope,
I'll be back around soon.

2007-01-06T08:20:00.000-08:00

Hard, Hard Drive

So my computer has been whining lately.

It started quietly enough. Quietly enough that I guess I didn't notice it right away. But for a few weeks, I've definitely noticed.

If you walked anywhere NEAR my office, you'd have noticed, too.

In my absolute technical wisdom (read that..."knowing basically nothing about the inside of a computer..") I took off the side cover and discovered that it was my hard drive.

Being frightened of losing absolutely everything I have on my computer that I have nowhere else, I took that sucker in to have it fixed.

That turned out to suck.

Not having it fixed, that turned out to rule. No, it sucked because I've been without a working computer for a WEEK! That's like having both of my hands stuck in epoxy, my pants down around my ankles, and a blindfold wrapped so tight around my eyes that they start screaming. It was miserable.

But, only a few hundred dollars (which we really don't have) later, and I've got a brand new hard drive (3x as "big" as my old one) that is SILENT, and 5x as much RAM as I had.

I'm in Heaven.

Blog Heaven.

So watch out, because I can't play harp.

But I'm back! Woo to the Hoo.

2006-12-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

Conspiracy Theories I Must Discuss...

I said not long ago that I would cover conspiracy theories in this blog. I've said that I subscribe to several of those theories.

One thing I truly believe is that there are ancient powers, devices, and knowledge that has not been lost. And that possibly, since the dawn of humanity, there has existed information and possibly technology that was handed down to humankind from a civilization of higher intelligence. Also that there exist several branches of a secret ruling body of the human race that have directed the course of history since our story began, and hidden the knowledge from the general public.

To get to where I am in this belief at this time in my life would entail letting you in on years of research and discovery that I've gone through. Things about the collections of ancient monuments built across the world about 6,000 years ago that present a map of the sky about 12,000 years ago, things about Sumeria, and the root of all creation myths. Anomolies like batteries in geodes, gold chains in coal, hieroglyphs of astronauts, Bloodlines, and Arks, and Grails, and monuments on Mars... Seriously, years of putting together pieces of a puzzle, reading and studying from masters of archeology, ancient history, geology, metaphysics...

Please understand that I'm not paranoid, and that I don't worry about this stuff. If it is, then it is. Big deal. It's been going on for a long time. If it's not true, it won't ruin my life. I think it's all very interesting. I like to wonder about it all. And it's great material for science fiction.

Here's an idea that ran across my mind, and apparently, other people's as well:

I thought that when the U.S. invaded Iraq, it was to steal ancient artifacts. Seriously.

I'm not the only one, either. As soon as the war began, others began postulating.

This site--Future Technology From the Past-- links the events in Iraq with a powder that's believed to be the quest of alchemists--the elixir of life. I ran across this a while ago.

It tells a story that is similar to many that I found at the beginning of the war: As soon as the invasion of Baghdad began, the museum was secured by U.S. troops. The museum was looted, while guards stood at the door. The worst part of the looting took place four levels below the ground, in vaults that had multiple layers of security, which were opened with codes and keys--secret safes containing mysterious objects from the dawn of our civilization, items that vanished under the cover of gunfire and the watchful guard of the soldiers surrounding the museum.

The story certainly gives credence to the idea that one faction of a secret government is battling another, or at least that the leaders of Iraq had found something that the government of the U.S. wanted in that museum.

Here's a bit from the theory presented at Future Technology From the Past:

"Anti-gravity, longevity, cures for AIDS and cancer, limitless free energy, faster-than-light space travel --- no wonder certain persons would go to any lengths to obtain, or conceal, such knowledge. As detailed in Jim Marrs’ “underground bestseller” Rule by Secrecy, the United States has long been governed by men connected to secret societies such as the Council on Foreign Relations, The Trilateral Commission, the Bilderbergers, the Illuminati and the Freemasons. All of these groups can be traced back to even earlier societies, all with a particular interest in alchemy and the occult.

It may well have been this interest and knowledge that prompted certain U.S. leaders with secret society connections to desire sending troops into Iraq in 2003.

This desire may have been intensified after ABC News reported nearly 400 ancient Sumerian artifacts were discovered in Iraq in 1999 in the southern Iraqi town of Basmyiah, about 100 miles south of Baghdad. The Iraqi New Agency said the objects ranged from animal and human-shaped “toys” to cuneiform tablets and even “ancient weapons”. At least one cylinder seal depicted a tall person thought to represent the ancient King Gilgamesh. The antiquities were dated to about 2500 B.C., said excavation team leader Riyadh al-Douri. Further discoveries in Iraq were made in 2002 and early 2003 by archeologists from the Bavarian department of Historical Monuments in Munich, Germany using digital mapping technology.

According to spokesman Jorg Fassbinder, a magnetometer was utilized to locate buried walls, gardens, palaces and a surprising network of canals that would have made Uruk a “Venice in the desert.” This equipment also located a structure in the middle of the Euphrates River which Fassbinder’s team believed to be the tomb of Gilgamesh, the ancient king who claimed to be two-thirds god and only one-third human. An epic poem describing Gilgamesh’s search for the secret of immortality was inscribed on clay tablets more than 2,000 years ago and is thought to be one of the oldest books in history. Reportedly, other astonishing finds were being made during this time by both German and French archaeological teams given permission to excavate by Saddam Hussein. It may be worth noting that Germany and France were the two nations most opposed to the U.S. invasion in 2003."

I'm tellin' ya, the world is a weird place. And it's as good a reason as I've heard about why Bush wanted so badly to invade Iraq. It may be that it's just another battle in the long war fought between two families that rule the world.

Isn't it fun to think about, anyway?

2006-12-18T19:14:00.001-08:00

News?

I was cruising around online today, and found an article written in November about a dolphin found near Japan with two extra fins near its tail. Weird, sure. But obviously leftovers from when dolphins lived on land.

It's been known for a long time that dolphins and whales used to live on land, and that they were hairy. (I think I've even written about hairy dolphins recently.) I'm no biologist, or paleobiologist, or paleo-anything. But I know that dolphins walked around on land for about 60,000 years until they decided to make a go of it in the ocean. Or maybe it was that they went to the seas 60,000 years ago. (There's something about sixty thousand years...) We all know that, right?

So this article says, "...a bottle nose dolphin captured last month has an extra set of fins that could be the remains of back legs, a discovery that may provide further evidence that ocean-dwelling mammals once lived on land..."

"...may provide further evidence..." Now, that means that it's a disproven theory, right? That there is evidence to be gathered before a conclusion can be made. That there's a raging debate.

Then why would very same article say, two paragraphs later, "Fossil remains show dolphins and whales were four-footed land animals about 50 million years ago and share common ancestors with hippopotamuses and deer. Scientists believe they later transitioned to an aquatic lifestyle and their hind limbs disappeared."

Why is further evidence that they used to live on land needed? What more evidence can there be? Duh.

Is it the media, or is it scientists? Because if it's scientists, then we need some better ones. (We all already know we need new media.)

Anyway, I gotta go hang out with the hairy dolphins from down the street. They've got some homemade beer or somethin'.

2006-12-18T15:32:00.000-08:00

Weird Weather Wipes Us OUT....

I'm afraid we brought weird weather to Olympia.

We had the driest summer anyone around here could remember. It was a very nice summer. But Odd. (That's odd with a capital "O") It rained on only three or five days from June to September.

November was the wettest month EVER on record in the area. It also snowed, and freaked everyone out around here.

And just last week, we had the harshest windstorm EVER. Many, many people (60,000) in our city have no power. We were very lucky in that we lost power for only a couple of hours. People have been without electricity (no heat, either) for five days so far.

We went to Safeway today, and there was hardly any cheese, or yogurt, or milk. It was weird. No frozen foods at all.

Everyone outside our neighborhood who has come over has said, first thing, "You have power?!" I feel guilty for being lucky enough to be part of the ten percent of uninterrupted electrical service.

I would feel very guilty if I really thought it was us moving to the area that caused such weird weather. But if it's true, we've at least paid in part.

The wind tore quite a few shingles off our roof, leaving a large exposed patch. ~~Side note: our insurance agent climbed up on our roof yesterday and patched the holes. Our insurance agent. What a great dude, huh?~~

It also knocked over a section of our fence. Luckily that only fell into the grouchy old lady who lives next door's garage. Had it broken the window, I'm certain we'd have had the National Guard rapping at our door at 3AM.

As it was, I missed a piece when I picked up the shattered fence the next day, and we had to hear about it. Loudly. We also got to hear about how the shingles in OUR yard came from OUR roof. She told us about that about twenty minutes after I'd told her that when she crept into our yard to pick one of them up. I also asked her to not pick them up, since our insurance agent was coming over to see the damage. She had her roofer come over and pick them up out of our yard after he told her there was no damage to her roof. So she called to tell us that.

Weird, huh? I mean, that we're breaking all these extreme weather records. It's either us, or global warming. And since science, the media, and the government finally admit that there IS such a thing, I'm going with global warming. (It takes the pressure off of me.)

Send love to the Pacific Northwest, will ya?

2006-12-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

Time, Light, and Money...

I'm behind the times (and oh, so punny), I know.

But I ran across this article today about a physics professor who's pretty sure he's able to prove time travel. He just needs the funding.

So listen up, all you billionaires reading this blog: Send this guy some money!

He's doing it using circulating light from lasers, a la Einstein's crazy-ass relativity theory. I'm sure it's all very complicated, but if I understand, the lasers, bouncing off of mirrors, are formed into a circulating light beam that warps space.

He says we should be able to travel through time within this century. Crrrazy, man. Crazy.

Check it out here:
Time Travelin' Teacher

2006-12-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

PayPerPost by Van Vintallicus....

As you know, I've been taking advantage of the technology at hand to make crazy videos for PayPerPost. They pay me for it.

So, not only do they pay me to write about things I'd most likely write about anyway, but they give me money to make absolutely ridiculous little films. I love to do that anyway!

Here's one they paid me to make. The only conditions were that I be a spaz. Yeah, like that's hard to do... I enlisted the help of my old friend, rock and roll circus performer, and alter ego, Van Vintallicus.

Get paid to make videos just like Van does! Check out PayPerPost.

Hope you liked it. Unfortunately, I'm handling all of Mr. Vintallicus's fan mail. Please just comment here, and I'll compile the millions of fan letters and pass them along to him.

2006-12-12T19:25:00.000-08:00

There Really is Water on Mars...

I was a believer in the face on Mars. After the high-res images came back, I stopped believing in that. It looks like it's probably not a face. (Unless of course, the government is hiding the truth...) Okay, I still hold out hope. And those other "hills" look a lot like pyramids, still.

I am a believer in the fossilized microbial life found in the Martian rock chunk found on Earth. It's obviously real.

I believe there was (and perhaps still is) life on Mars. To what extent, I'm not sure. It's funny, actually, it doesn't seem to be such a big deal now, believing that. I remember when it was... People used to think it was ridiculous. Maybe I'm just out of touch and a debate is still raging. But here's my point:

Chalk one up for the believers. This is the Astronomy Picture of the Day:

It shows where water has flowed out of a crater wall within a space of five years. The photo showing the gully created by, "...a fluid that behaved like liquid water and likely transported some fine-grained sediment along with it..." was taken last year.

Check it out. There is water on Mars. And it's flowing.

Water, as we know, is a great place to find life...

2006-12-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

PayPerPost vs Old School Marketing Ideals in the Form of a Big, Dumb Robot....

I haven't been doing all the blogging I should be in the past couple of days.

But it's because I've been working diligently on a crazy film project. It's about PayPerPost fighting a robot. I kinda like it. If I only had state of the art equipment, it wouldn't have taken as long as it did. But with the difficulty I've had with the editing of this two-minute thriller, comes a feeling of accomplishment.

Like PPP, overcoming the hurdles that life sets in your way only makes the end result of your work that much sweeter.

So here's what happens when The Old School Robot of Non-Consumer Generated Marketing comes after the new guys with the new ideas:

And it wasn't a complete waste of time, either. I might not have been typing down my strange thoughts and finding weird stuff to showcase, but I was gettin' paid. Not only did PayPerPost give me the theme for my film, but they paid me to make it. Gettin' paid for havin' fun... Isn't that my dream job?

PayPerPost--get paid for blogging. (and makin' movies!)

2006-12-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

Love, Robots, and Birthday Wishes...

I'm putting together a sort of short film, and haven't seemed to have time to do much else. Well, I did read my wife's blogs. She gave me lotsa love. She's good that way. She's always sending some love to someone. I like it a lot.

It's one of the great things about Terri that made me want to marry her. There are many other great things. I cannot list them all, my fingers would swell after so much typing and I would begin mashing a bunch of keys at once, and nothing would make sense.

But to say something that becomes obvious the moment you meet her, beyond her great looks, sexiness, awesome motherhoodness, wit, charm, and intelligence, I'd have to just say, she's cool. Real cool.

True cool. Like James Dean cool.

This is the day before my birthday, and I know the things Terri's doing for me tomorrow (because she gave me a 'before my birthday' card). I get a massage (from an actual massage therapist!) She's letting me sleep in. She's making me peanut butter-chocolate brownies. She's renting a movie for JUST ME AND HER to watch together. She's ordering, and picking up our favorite Mexican food... I think that's about it for the grand-awesome-superest-rad-gob-of-birthday-gifts my lovely wife is gifting to me. (I told you she was cool.)

So for her, because she's striking like the morning sun, I'm posting a photo I took this morning, with a poem I wrote a long time ago about the morning. A morning with a sky like this morning's sky above our home:

I took the photo through the screen so as not to disturb my dear sleeping wife and lil' ZV.

Here's the sappy ol' poem about dawn:

~Wish~

Came the dawn,
brushed across the sky
and hotter with each death of a cloud.
If I could hold its heat,
possess its awakening beauty,
be the power that it is.
If I could taste the earth
with the tongue the sunrise wields,
turn ice to water,
wake lives to the morning,
I would live the edge of night for eternity.
If it were my unfolding arms
that brought petals open,
if my crisp light shone
upon your face and caused your smile,
I would trap myself as
a nameless wave.
I’d give up speech, and even thought,
and the chance to be recognized by you.
I’d give my body,
all that I presently mean,
to lift the cold dark curtain of night
so that I might be the first light of day.

It's sappy. But it's also elemental. The dawn was striking enough this morning to prompt me to hunt for the camera. It's called "Wish" (for my birthday). It's my solar return. I guess, though a little sappy, it's fitting.

With a greeting from the sun like I had today, and with all the love Terri gave me in her blogs, it's going to be a good new year for me, starting as it is.

Even robots think so.

(the above photo is a preview for the movie project I'm working on. the above robot is not really endorsing the future happy goodness for my upcoming year that I may be leading you to think he is. robots are sometimes jerks.)

2006-12-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

Interplanetary Exchange Students and the Race Car Drivers who Love Them....

Observing the weird is like watching a car race. The kind where the cars drive in a circle at tremendous speeds, jockeying for position now and then. The kind of race that gets boring--circle after circle of cars speeding by. The kind of race where you wish there would be a wreck, just to make it interesting.

I've got a feeling there's a loose wheel in this race:

Cruising around, reading the latest on UFO's a few days ago, I ran across this page on something called Project Serpo. It's a site which "is intended to facilitate the gradual release of confidential documents pertaining to a top secret exchange program of twelve US military personnel to Serpo, a planet of Zeta Reticuli, between the years 1965-78". It involves some strange claims made by an anonymous source who claimed to have worked for the Defense Intelligence Agency. These claims were first presented on a private message board about UFO's.

Basically, what is claimed (and later by more than one source), is that there was an exchange of ambassadors between our planet, and the planet where the beings from the supposed Roswell crash come from.

I read some board entries from the anonymous source in 2005. One of his claims involves the (fairly well-known) story that there were two crashes as Roswell. He gives detailed information about the crashes, and alien beings that survived the crashes. These aliens were said to have contacted their planet, and were rescued. This is when the alien exchange program began. True or not, it's rather interesting.

It's believed that three human men went to another planet as part of this exchange program. One of them died on the alien world, one went crazy, and one came back fine. That's the story. At first it was said that there were twelve individuals, but a second source came back to confirm most of the story, but add that there were only the three "bird colonels" who went.

Here's a video interview with the Project Serpo site developer, Bill Ryan. He can tell you in his own words the whole story as he knows it.

When this story first hit, there was a lot of buzz about it. (That I completely missed) There's a great discussion board blow-by-blow at the Above Top Secret Forums. There are, of course, sites dedicated to disproving the story. Here's one: The Truth About Serpo.

High speed car wreck? Certainly seems inevitable.

It'll get the race fans on their feet.

Mind you, this isn't news to the diehard fans. They've been watching this leg of the race for a couple years. Sometimes I'm slow to get back to the circles of cars in the race of weird. Sometimes I'm stuck in the pits with one of the racers, and sometimes I'm actually out there racin'.

I missed the beginning of this heat in the race to uncover the truth about the strange things we see in the sky, and the involvement of our government with the drivers in other races. I'm glad I finally tuned-in to this one.

What do you think?

2006-12-05T22:52:00.000-08:00

Shopping Doesn't Suck....

I like to shop online.

Let's face it. It's eventually going to be the worldwide preferred way to shop. Who wants to go to a store? Well, maybe a Second Life store. But that's online, isnt' it?

As much as I'm interested in this human race of ours, I'm not big on crowds. I don't have a high tolerance for numbers of people. I've been told (outloud and with frowns) that it's a lot lower than is expected. It's not uncommon for me to be referred to as a hermit, and most of the time it's true. But I don't need to leave my house, most days. I've got the internet. I can find whatever I need from the comfort of my home, and usually everything I want--delivered to my door.

At any rate, I shop online for most things, and certainly for things I need during holidays. Black Friday=Number One Worst Hell in the Universe to me. I like to find gifts for my loved ones from right here, sitting on my ass.

But even sitting here and shopping isn't all that easy. Sometimes it's hard to find what I want. Fortunately, there are a lot of online shoppers out there, and some of them are really good at it. Even more fortunately, some of them write about what they find, and how to find what you need and want.

Further fortune has shone on me by way of finding a trustworthy blogger out there who's spreading the shopping Word. An online shopper named Colleen has a shopping blog I can trust.

BuyMeBlog -- Smart, easy on the eye, just personal enough, and savvy. Let's call those the tags for this blog from me.

I've not met Ms. Colleen (I mean online, of course), but I've been reading some of her other blogs lately on recommendations from my wife. Though BuyMeBlog is a new one, I'm betting its going to fill fast with useful shopping tips delivered with style, humor, and a personal view.

Colleen is both smart, and funny.

She doesn't just list great deals, and good products, she tells us the story behind her shopping adventures. Like these knives:

Not only does Colleen tell us all about this knife set, she tells us the story of how she came to buy two sets. It's the personal info, and just the right amount of it, that makes this a blog I'll visit.

I like her honest approach to this blog, too. Colleen's not just giving us the inside scoop on great deals, and handing out coupons for us to use, she's also reviewing the things she's already bought, and warning us of things not to buy, like sheets that pill up and make sleeping all icky and uncomfy: Don't buy these sheets!

Thanks, Colleen, for starting this blog. Now I can sit on my butt and shop with a little more information, and a smile or two while I read your reviews.

Add BuyMeBlog to your list!

2006-12-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

Maxim Measures Myths...

In keeping with the strange theme I've got going on, and all the weird research I've been doing lately, (I'll soon be telling you about this 'alien/human ambassador thing' I stumbled across this afternoon...) I thought I'd put in a word about Maxim Online's new Urban Legends section.

It's both hilarious, and revealing. It's a look at legends and myths, most of which I'm sure you've heard of.

I was surprised by the number of what I thought would surely be Urban Legends that were actually true events, or consequences.

Or even things that I took to be common knowledge. Like Myth #19, which says in part, "If you keep shaving your head, the hair will grow back thicker.The truth: False.Sorry to say, but all that shaving you tried at age 10 in an attempt to cop Tom Selleck’s look was for naught..."

(Magnum's mustache!)

I honestly thought that was a medically sound fact. I would swear that it's happened on my body. I've got this patch on the back of my neck that begs to differ. But hey, maybe they're right. They do quote experts.

At any rate, I learned how to really compute dog years. Yeah, most of us are wrong, peeps. Check out Myth #23.

I hope they add more to this section. It's illuminating. And just weird enough for a few minutes of light strangeness in the afternoon, in between all the government conspiracies, and time traveler dementia.

You should check it out. If you haven't already clicked a link to do so, you can do so here:
Maxim's Common Myth and Urban Legend Debunkkment Section.

(Soon we will discuss the strange affairs of human and Zeta Reticularian citizen exchanges. You know... that weird stuff I was talking about earlier.)

2006-12-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm Googling All Wrong...

I'm interested in time travel. Everyone is, right?

Many of the stories I write deal with traveling through time. The latest short story I wrote (everyone pray with me that it gets published!) is about it. Actually, the one I wrote before that (more prayers, please) for Glimmer Train's Short Story Award for New Writers contest, was about time travel, too.

Hmmm... Thinking about it, most of my stories have some element of time travel in them. The novel I wrote involves time travel. So will the next two novels that go with it.

Apparently, I'm very interested in time travel. I wonder what that means.

~~~~

Wow. I'm so interested in it that instead of finishing this entry hours ago when I began it, I instead spent the afternoon searching through time travel and related sites. It was a wild afternoon.

I started out reading this crazy report about some college girls in Utah who slipped into another time, or dimension, driving back to campus from a nearby town. They were chased by people who were not human who drove egg-shaped, tri-wheeled vehicles. They lost their hubcap somewhere in time when they made their escape back to their own time/dimension.

I found this report about it: Gadianton Canyon Encounter. This is on the Jeff Rense website, a paranormal type news magazine. It came from an article in the UFO Roundup on a site called, UFO Info.com. This seems to be the only report there is on the subject. There are other sites that have the same report, but there's nothing else about it.

While it sounds really cool, and obviously scary, and I wish that it were true, I can't believe it really happened. There's not enough information. And there's geographical discrepencies in the story.

I did find a site (and didn't save it), of html coded message board entries. One was from a guy who'd researched this, and couldn't conclude it was true or false. He, like I, didn't feel the need to take the time to research it further. And he wrote about it years ago. It seems no one has found a need to dig further into the truth of the incident. At least no one who's talking about it.

But that's where I started. Looking for the truth of that particular story.

Then I found places like-- KeelyNet --it's a site all about alternative science. They issued a challenge for any time travelers out there to prove that they can travel through time (hee hee!).

The webpage is from 1998. It doesn't look as if anyone's accepted: The Challenge. At any rate, there was no news at KeelyNet about time travel. Most of the articles were ten years old.

I went off on some missing time tangents, and read about some aliens, and conspiracy theories for a while, and then made my way back to time travel.

I read old news about a guy named John Titor. He claimed, in the years 2000 & 2001, that he was visiting from the year 2036. There's all sorts of craziness involved with his story. But it led me to a post on a message board (Anomolies Network Forums)that asked the very question I'd been asking myself as I was looking for crazy links to include today:

Is time travel dead?

There doesn't seem to be much interest in it. At least, not on discussion boards, and active websites. Though the person who started the above mentioned thread seems to think interest might again be on the slow rise. Google didn't bring up much. Well, there's these guys...

If people aren't interested anymore, it would mean my earlier assertion that everyone is interested in time travel is totally wrong. Anyone who knows me knows that that can't be true.

And where have all the time travelers gone? No one's bragging about being from another time on any of the boards I found today. There's no New Age site out there with a fresh new lead on a group of time travelers hidden in a cave. What's going on?

If there are any of you out there, feel free to contact me, and we'll get your story out there, so when I Google time traveler, something current will come up.

Until then, I'll keep writing science fiction.

2006-12-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

A Year of Bed Head...

Bed Head the Movie is live!

For those of you who don't know, I spent one year taking a picture of myself every morning. I compiled them into a gallery at my website. It's right here: Shameless Creations . We took that insane gallery of my pillow-styled hair and turned it into a movie. Well, Terri did. Then she made an abridged version.

This is the abridged version:

You can find the one with every single picture (365) right here: Long Bed Head Movie

It was a lot of fun. I hope it makes you laugh.

Thanks so much to my lovely and talented wife, Terri (who sometimes goes by the lovely and talented pseudonym Musing Stardust--or even Terri Muse), who edited the 365 photos of me in the morning into some sort of tangible entertainment. Thanks to the Quickies, my two friends in Milwaukee, who make some of the best music in the Universe, who provided some of that music for this project.

If you like A Year of Bed Head, feel free to jump on over to YouTube and grab a copy to embed. Pass it around. Do what you want with me, I'm sleepy. Bed Head at YouTube

And remember, if you have hair, and you sleep in a bed, you're a Bed Head at least once a day.

I know it says so at the end of the flick, but the gallery has comments that I wrote in the morning. Usually before coffee. Sometimes they're dumb. Sometimes they're not. Most times they are. But if you'd like to check that out, please do.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks again Terri and the Quickies!

2006-12-01T13:06:00.001-08:00

Porch of Reflection

I was just on the porch, smoking (which I'll probably be doing very shortly again), when my mind meandered to one of my favorite words.

I've got this spot on my website where one can add their favorite words to a growing list of excellent examples of letter-combinations that people love, where I'd normally add this word.

But since I'm being a good blogger, and still finding my groove, and using this as one of those personal diary sort of thing with the hope that the junk I blab about hits a common chord in a vast sampling of my fellow humans, I thought I'd put that word here. With all these other words.

Volition.

I love that word. I like how it sounds. Powerful. Almost sinister, but quite the opposite in meaning. It almost says violence. It almost makes me feel like that's what it says. Volition makes me hear the strong cello notes of a vapid symphony. It pries at something in me. And somewhere in it there's a field of white flowers under a skyfull of sun.

It's the act of making conscious decisions.

Here's a spot to read the definition: Volition

So while I hear music, and see the perfection of Nature down in those three syllables, I feel the violent chaos from which those two gloriously arranged living patterns are born. And it feels like the home of my soul. That's the scary part of volition.

I'm conscious of my free-will. I like to think that I spend my days in a constant state of volition. But of course I don't. Not here in the day-to-day level of things, anyway. There is more than my own volition at work in the world, and many times during a single day, I will be bent to the will of another.

So volition is standing up. Claiming power.

That shit is scary.

Because with a tiny amount of power, comes a tiny amount of responsibilty. Imagine what that would say if you changed the word "tiny" to "great" (wink-wink)... Who the hell wants to be responsible?

Volition is a hard word to handle.

Definately one of my favorites.

2006-11-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

Strangers in my Shirt

Who buys my stuff?!

Seriously. Who (other than me) is going to walk around wearing a shirt like this:

I was just checking out my sales, and noticed that these two were on their way to someone and I thought I'd share.

It cracks me up to think that these things are out there walking around. I mean, sure, I'd wear 'em. And my friends wear them when I give them shirts. I expect that.

But this whole, "strangers in my shirt" thing sometimes freaks me out.

People just bought these shirts, too. So they're probably gifts.

I love it. That Original Pimp Action Squad one is hi-freakin'-larious. It's these crazy dudes from around the globe--photos taken from the early 20th Century. And they're total pimps. Check it out close up if ya want: http://www.cafepress.com/shamelesshumor.25810831 click "view larger" and then, "zoom in on image". It'll be worth it just to get a good look at the stylinest pimps of the turn of the century and know that someone's gonna be out there showin' them off on their shirt. Global stylie pimps.

Glad that there are some similar senses of humor out there. Just a little freaked about it sometimes.

I still haven't just bumped into someone wearing one of my designs. That would be INSANE. I'm praying for it.

2006-11-27T23:01:00.000-08:00

A Poem

Alright. I tried to quit smoking. I didn’t say anything about it, because I didn’t want to start again, and then have everyone say I’m a stinkin’ wuss.

Stress always gets me.
Cigarettes end the stress.
So I stop quitting and smoke.

I wrote a poem about it. Wanna read it, here it goes:

I do a good job of staring at the computer screen.
I can stare and stare.
It’s that or scream.
Or run out the door to the store.

I NEED cigarettes.
NEEDNEEDNEED

Fuck.
I need cigarettes.

Or staring.
Or cigarette staring.

2006-11-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

Anticipation

I like Thanksgiving. Not because of what it stands for. Oh, no. If you know me, you know I’m not much of a holiday lover. Nope. I like Thanksgiving because it brings lots of people to one table to be thankful for eating food. Someone(s) work at making the food with love, and everyone appreciates it.

That is a good afternoon.

Ours includes wine, and we try to make it exclude football.

Yeah, I’m obviously the anti-american. So be it. I don’t like Pilgrims raping and murdering the indigenous folk and ultimately stealing their continent and then Thanking them for it years later by talking about how the Indians helped the Pilgrims survive long enough to infect them all with disease or murder them. Yay Pilgrims. Thanks, Indians.
But I loves the turkey and cranberry sauce. Can’t wait.

2006-11-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

Fall

Olympian autumn was short. I don’t know if it’s always like this, but it seems to have just come and gone. Like, the leaves turned colors, and fell off two days later. I’m not exaggerating. It really happened like that.

It’s not quite Thanksgiving, and the trees are bare. I don’t mind it at all. I just wonder if it’s typical.

So far we’ve had a lot of rain this month. I hear that’s not too typical.

Well, I do like weird. Weather counts.

2006-11-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

Poor Me

I went to military school. It really sucked. I had to do lots of pushups, and run around a lot in the tropical Texas heat. I ate shitty food, got yelled at every day, had to sit and study for three hours a night, had to stay on base, never got to wear civilian clothes, learned how to brainwash people, got brainwashed, was beaten, saw people die, beat people, wanted to kill people, got a girl pregnant, partied in Mexico and on South Padre Island, smuggled drugs across the border, smuggled drugs into school (and cigarettes, and food), broke hearts, broke noses, broke out one kids front teeth, lost my mind, stopped giving a shit about my parents, decided I hate the military and the government, did acid for the first time, partied with the mafia, and generally had a bad time, or a great time doing really bad things. Got out and had to see a shrink. I’m 35 and I’m still not over it.

Don’t send your kid to military school. Don’t ever do it. No matter how bad they seem. They will get worse. I promise.

2006-11-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Blue

Whenever I hear the term “blue tooth” (can I write that?) I think of blue balls. That leads me to thinking about that movie… oh man, what was it? Where those guys rent a condo on the beach, and spend the whole summer trying to trick girls into having sex with them?

There’s the sleazy surfer, and the old guy, and the nerd… What the hell movie was that? There’s a whole scene about that girl who’s a big tease, and she gives everyone blue balls. One of the guys falls victim to her wiles, and has to run for an ice pack. That was such bullshit to lay on my teenage mind. That crap doesn’t happen. And if it did, why didn’t the idiot just take care of it himself?

If I remember right, I got off on that chick by moving my leg. And I was just watching her on some tiny TV screen in a basement with five other dudes. The guy in the movie spent the night with her rubbing her short-shorted self all over him.
Freakin’ blue tooth.